¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is the traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to the modern life?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*ÈÆ
2024-07-19 611

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In modern age, The human¡¯s life have changed significantly compared to the past, due to development of the technology. Anyone who lived in 1970¡¯s would never expected that telephone switchboard operator vanished because of micro chips. And also they never expected to TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
The traditional ways encountered to two ways, vanished or modified. In my opinion even though enduring changes are necessary, if it is possible to continue the traditional ways, it might be worthwhile. For example, for hundreds years ago. When the class finished studying an entire book. Students gave the foods and alcohol to the teacher for their effort and gratitude. And nowadays when the class finished the course, they have a simple party with cookies and beverages and celebrate for their effort.
For hundred years, this traditional way has been changed, but the essences are never changed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A fantastic day to you Se Hun~!^^ The arguments in the essay were exceptionally well-developed, consistently clear and well justified. You have effectively presented your ideas in an interesting and critical manner and you have presented a good quality and variety of examples. Keep it up! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In modern age, the human¡¯s life have changed significantly compared to the past, due to development of the technology.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Anyone who lived in 1970¡¯s would never expect that telephone switchboard operator vanished because of micro chips. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
And also they never expected to TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
>>> And also they never expect TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
The traditional ways encountered to two ways, vanished or modified. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In my opinion even though enduring changes are necessary, if it is possible to continue the traditional ways, it might be worthwhile. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example, for hundreds years ago. When the class finished studying an entire book. Students gave the foods and alcohol to the teacher for their effort and gratitude.
>>> For example, hundreds years ago, when the class was finished studying an entire book, students gave foods and alcohol to their teacher for their effort and gratitude.
And nowadays when the class finished the course, they have a simple party with cookies and beverages and celebrate for their effort.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For hundred years, this traditional way has been changed, but the essence has never changed.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135275 medicine ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 1
135274 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Is it healthy... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 1
135273 What do you like buying in the mall? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 781
135272 My dream house ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 1012
135271 Do you like at dinosaurs skeletons and bones in museum or... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 858
135270 Bullies ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 757
135269 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 944
135268 Homework ¹Ú*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 833
135267 1. Why did you decide to apply for this position? ÃÖ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 973
135266 In your opinion, is it better to specialize in a specific area... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 942
135265 HOMEWORK FOR 03.06.2024 WRITING TASK: How do you stay motivated... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 4
135264 When do you prefer having a family gathering? ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 804
135263 What qualities do you value in a friend? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 1047
135262 My boyfriend ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 802
135261 Have you asked for a replacement for anything? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 3
135260 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 2
135259 Who are the people you always check on? ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 0
135258 What kind of person would be the perfect neighbor? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 3
135257 In what situation you would agree to sleep over at a friend\'s... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 2
135256 Getting an apologize ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-06 1255

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04