¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is the traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to the modern life?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*ÈÆ
2024-07-19 562

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In modern age, The human¡¯s life have changed significantly compared to the past, due to development of the technology. Anyone who lived in 1970¡¯s would never expected that telephone switchboard operator vanished because of micro chips. And also they never expected to TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
The traditional ways encountered to two ways, vanished or modified. In my opinion even though enduring changes are necessary, if it is possible to continue the traditional ways, it might be worthwhile. For example, for hundreds years ago. When the class finished studying an entire book. Students gave the foods and alcohol to the teacher for their effort and gratitude. And nowadays when the class finished the course, they have a simple party with cookies and beverages and celebrate for their effort.
For hundred years, this traditional way has been changed, but the essences are never changed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A fantastic day to you Se Hun~!^^ The arguments in the essay were exceptionally well-developed, consistently clear and well justified. You have effectively presented your ideas in an interesting and critical manner and you have presented a good quality and variety of examples. Keep it up! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In modern age, the human¡¯s life have changed significantly compared to the past, due to development of the technology.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Anyone who lived in 1970¡¯s would never expect that telephone switchboard operator vanished because of micro chips. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
And also they never expected to TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
>>> And also they never expect TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
The traditional ways encountered to two ways, vanished or modified. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In my opinion even though enduring changes are necessary, if it is possible to continue the traditional ways, it might be worthwhile. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example, for hundreds years ago. When the class finished studying an entire book. Students gave the foods and alcohol to the teacher for their effort and gratitude.
>>> For example, hundreds years ago, when the class was finished studying an entire book, students gave foods and alcohol to their teacher for their effort and gratitude.
And nowadays when the class finished the course, they have a simple party with cookies and beverages and celebrate for their effort.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For hundred years, this traditional way has been changed, but the essence has never changed.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136106 What did you do on your last birthday? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 4
136105 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 2
136104 Which car brand would you like to buy next? Why? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 3
136103 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 605
136102 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 498
136101 homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 607
136100 2024.04.03 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 707
136099 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 878
136098 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 1
136097 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 511
136096 Suppose you could invent a new toy. Describe what it would do... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 1
136095 Homesick ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 604
136094 What should ~~ Climate ½Å*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 4
136093 What do you think about the rural places in Korea? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 873
136092 Describe your favorite fictional character. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 856
136091 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 627
136090 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 2
136089 I think respect and manners are actions that animals do, too. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 780
136088 Have you ever experienced having a bad dream? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 824
136087 I\'m anxious because I\'m not perfect. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 780

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04