¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is the traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to the modern life?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*ÈÆ
2024-07-19 712

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In modern age, The human¡¯s life have changed significantly compared to the past, due to development of the technology. Anyone who lived in 1970¡¯s would never expected that telephone switchboard operator vanished because of micro chips. And also they never expected to TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
The traditional ways encountered to two ways, vanished or modified. In my opinion even though enduring changes are necessary, if it is possible to continue the traditional ways, it might be worthwhile. For example, for hundreds years ago. When the class finished studying an entire book. Students gave the foods and alcohol to the teacher for their effort and gratitude. And nowadays when the class finished the course, they have a simple party with cookies and beverages and celebrate for their effort.
For hundred years, this traditional way has been changed, but the essences are never changed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A fantastic day to you Se Hun~!^^ The arguments in the essay were exceptionally well-developed, consistently clear and well justified. You have effectively presented your ideas in an interesting and critical manner and you have presented a good quality and variety of examples. Keep it up! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In modern age, the human¡¯s life have changed significantly compared to the past, due to development of the technology.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Anyone who lived in 1970¡¯s would never expect that telephone switchboard operator vanished because of micro chips. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
And also they never expected to TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
>>> And also they never expect TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
The traditional ways encountered to two ways, vanished or modified. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In my opinion even though enduring changes are necessary, if it is possible to continue the traditional ways, it might be worthwhile. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example, for hundreds years ago. When the class finished studying an entire book. Students gave the foods and alcohol to the teacher for their effort and gratitude.
>>> For example, hundreds years ago, when the class was finished studying an entire book, students gave foods and alcohol to their teacher for their effort and gratitude.
And nowadays when the class finished the course, they have a simple party with cookies and beverages and celebrate for their effort.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For hundred years, this traditional way has been changed, but the essence has never changed.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137845 Why is making eye contact important? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1068
137844 What are you passionate about? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 814
137843 Is it hard to apologize? How do you apologize to someone? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1109
137842 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 958
137841 Many governments think that economic progress is their most... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 697
137840 When do you feel most energized? What do you like to do with... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1140
137839 If animals could speak, what do you think they would say to... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 999
137838 HOMEWORK FOR 06.14.2024 WRITING TASK: What are the qualities of... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 3
137837 Are beauty standards like in your home country different to the... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1018
137836 Procrastinating something ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 932
137835 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 749
137834 Have you ever tried complaining at a restaurant? Why? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 893
137833 Page.56 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 0
137832 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 3
137831 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 0
137830 What are the marriage customs in your country? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 675
137829 What was the most thrilling thing you\'ve ever done? Explain. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 1295
137828 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 0
137827 What do you think is the best job in the world? Explain. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 861
137826 Friends ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 629

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04