¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is the traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to the modern life?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*ÈÆ
2024-07-19 650

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In modern age, The human¡¯s life have changed significantly compared to the past, due to development of the technology. Anyone who lived in 1970¡¯s would never expected that telephone switchboard operator vanished because of micro chips. And also they never expected to TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
The traditional ways encountered to two ways, vanished or modified. In my opinion even though enduring changes are necessary, if it is possible to continue the traditional ways, it might be worthwhile. For example, for hundreds years ago. When the class finished studying an entire book. Students gave the foods and alcohol to the teacher for their effort and gratitude. And nowadays when the class finished the course, they have a simple party with cookies and beverages and celebrate for their effort.
For hundred years, this traditional way has been changed, but the essences are never changed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A fantastic day to you Se Hun~!^^ The arguments in the essay were exceptionally well-developed, consistently clear and well justified. You have effectively presented your ideas in an interesting and critical manner and you have presented a good quality and variety of examples. Keep it up! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In modern age, the human¡¯s life have changed significantly compared to the past, due to development of the technology.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Anyone who lived in 1970¡¯s would never expect that telephone switchboard operator vanished because of micro chips. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
And also they never expected to TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
>>> And also they never expect TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, vinyl records, and even arcade games could be contained within 6-inch device.
The traditional ways encountered to two ways, vanished or modified. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In my opinion even though enduring changes are necessary, if it is possible to continue the traditional ways, it might be worthwhile. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example, for hundreds years ago. When the class finished studying an entire book. Students gave the foods and alcohol to the teacher for their effort and gratitude.
>>> For example, hundreds years ago, when the class was finished studying an entire book, students gave foods and alcohol to their teacher for their effort and gratitude.
And nowadays when the class finished the course, they have a simple party with cookies and beverages and celebrate for their effort.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For hundred years, this traditional way has been changed, but the essence has never changed.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138809 I think blame the person is more reasonable. ±è*¼ö ÁøÇàÁß 2024-07-29 756
138808 What emotions do you think the Taj Mahal evokes in people who... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 880
138807 Have you ever regretted not saying something to someone? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 797
138806 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-28 2
138805 Which country do you think has the best desserts? Explain your... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-28 977
138804 What have you decided to do this school vacation? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-28 765
138803 Are there any landmarks in your country that are similarly... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-28 991
138802 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-28 6
138801 My Occupation ¹®*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-27 6
138800 What activities do you like doing in nice weather? Á¤*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-27 1034
138799 2024.07.26 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-27 721
138798 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 0
138797 Relationship ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 750
138796 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 725
138795 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 1
138794 How do you decide on your travel destinations? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 802
138793 What is the most unusual thing you\'ve ever eaten? Did it taste... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 2
138792 Which is better? ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 4
138791 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 783
138790 My favorite music genre ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-26 867

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04