¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think electricity is the greatest invention ever?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ø
2024-07-10 471

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

How many inventions are there ever?
I searched for them online.
There are so many them over the world,
Some of them, fire, money, wagon wheel, are the great inventions in modern civilization,
However,personally,electricity is the greatest invention in the convenience of modern civilization.
I don't want to imagine my life without electricity.
I make sure ,it also led to the modern industrial development of civilization.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Young Soon!
Make sure you use direct and simple sentences.
Make your point clear and avoid using sentences that are too long and confusing.
Take note of the sentence patterns below.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
How many inventions are there ever?
>> Correct
I searched for them online.
>> Correct
There are so many them over the world,
>> There are so many of them all over the world.
Some of them, fire, money, wagon wheel, are the great inventions in modern civilization,
>> Some of them like fire, money and wagon wheel are great inventions in modern civilization.
However,personally,electricity is the greatest invention in the convenience of modern civilization.
>> However, personally, electricity is the greatest invention that contributed to the convenience of modern civilization.
I don't want to imagine my life without electricity.
>> Correct
I make sure ,it also led to the modern industrial development of civilization.
>> I am also sure that it led to the modern industrial development of civilization.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135461 What health problems do you worry about most? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 273
135460 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 383
135459 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 410
135458 winter ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 1
135457 homework ÇÑ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 1
135456 Homework ¹Ú*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 252
135455 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 6
135454 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 1
135453 If a person takes a photo of you without getting your... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 616
135452 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 399
135451 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 1
135450 HOMEWORK- What does it mean to put effort into all we do? ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 330
135449 my favorite places ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 478
135448 HOMEWORK FOR 03.13.2024 WRITING TASK: How do you use your annual... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 3
135447 Do you think men enjoy sports more than women? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 3
135446 Do you usually eat out? How often do eat out? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-12 3
135445 Making a goal in life °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-03-12 1
135444 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-12 2
135443 Pros and cons of being a Casanova ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-12 576
135442 homework 03.12 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-03-12 433

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04