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How do someone\'s interests affect a person\'s life?

작성자: 송*라
2024-07-09 910

회원님의 영작문

Interests affect a person’s life so much especially in terms of a refreshment.
When someone is interested in something new, they take a lot of time on it and they look forward to that interesting time.
Most of people involve their work so hard and take most of their daily time to their work in the company. As time goes by, they may get stress and take a hard time to accept new opinion or ideas from other people --- burn out.
At that time, interests make people to refresh and get a positive mind. It helps them improving their efficiency during working.
So, when the interests develop to a hobby, people can have a healthy way of release the stress.
Thtat’s why I think getting interests to something new consistently is important.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Yura! I am delighted to know your thoughts about this topic. Keep it up! Have a great day!^^
~T. Jewel
Interests affect a person’s life so much especially in terms of a refreshment.
>>Interests can significantly affect a person’s life, especially in terms of providing refreshment.
OR
>>Interests affect a person’s life greatly, especially in terms of providing relaxation.
When someone is interested in something new, they take a lot of time on it and they look forward to that interesting time.
>>When someone is interested in something new, they invest a lot of time in it and eagerly look forward to those enjoyable moments.
Most of people involve their work so hard and take most of their daily time to their work in the company.
>>Many people dedicate a significant time of their daily lives to their work.
As time goes by, they may get stress and take a hard time to accept new opinion or ideas from other people --- burn out.
>>As time goes by, they may become stressed, find it difficult to accept new opinions or ideas from others, and eventually burn out.
At that time, interests make people to refresh and get a positive mind. 
>>During these instances, interests make people feel refreshed and foster a positive mindset.
It helps them improving their efficiency during working.
>>It helps them improve their efficiency at work.
So, when the interests develop to a hobby, people can have a healthy way of release the stress.
>>So, when interests develop into a hobby, people can have a healthy way to release stress.
Thtat’s why I think getting interests to something new consistently is important.
>>That's why I think consistently developing new interests is important.
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