¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2024-07-04 384

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I strongly disagree with the statement that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. It is really sad that the national law is not equal to everyone. We can easily see that rich or people who are in the higher position is not sentenced properly if they are involved in the crime. Although, the law should be applied to all people, poor people have experienced unfair results compared to rich people. Famous sports players and celebrities such as actors, singers and comedians also be treated well than general people due to their social status. However, people want to be treated with same standard if there are some incidents. We want famous people to be a role model for general people and they must be clear regarding moral issues because their behavior can influence the attitudes and actions of their followers.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good afternoon Mr. Hwang~! You have done a good job here of creating a structured and flowing argument. You have given reasons for your opinions, which help successfully develop your concepts! Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I strongly disagree with the statement that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 It is really sad that the national law is not equal to everyone.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 We can easily see that rich or people who are in the higher position is not sentenced properly if they are involved in the crime. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Although, the law should be applied to all people, poor people have experienced unfair results compared to rich people.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Famous sports players and celebrities such as actors, singers and comedians also be treated well than general people due to their social status. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, people want to be treated with the same standard if there are some incidents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 We want famous people to be a role model for general people and they must be clear regarding moral issues because their behavior can influence the attitudes and actions of their followers.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139838 9.Sep.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 2
139837 Describe your ideal garden. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 58
139836 10.Sep.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 2
139835 What are your thoughts don\'t the air quality in your country? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 185
139834 H/W ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 196
139833 What do you like to do with your friends? ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 1
139832 home work ½Å*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 188
139831 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 48
139830 What¡¯s the secret to taking a good photograph? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 178
139829 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 168
139828 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 189
139827 My responsibility Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 2
139826 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 1
139825 What chores are your responsibility? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 3
139824 What do you think of books being made into movies? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 1
139823 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 189
139822 The best festival in Korea ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 184
139821 Is it always good to participate in contest or competitions? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 186
139820 What do you like the most about your family? Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 121
139819 Feeling sad ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-10 196

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04