¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Some psychologists think that the best way to overcome the stress of everyday life is to spend a por

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*´Ã
2024-07-01 397

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q . Some psychologists think that the best way to overcome the stress of everyday life is to spend a portion of the day doing absolutely nothing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A. To compare humans with electric devices, humans also need to recharge our energy to resume activities in a daily life. If people can think nothing when they are doing nothing, this is a signal for rest. If we overcome this limit and are at this stage, then burnout is coming soon and resilience gets worse. So I agree with the opinion. Taking a rest without doing nothing really help us to recover from stress.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there CAMILLE! It's another day to enjoy! Thanks for your essay! Your structure and writing flow were very good. Your writing was succinct, organized, and easy to read. You've got this!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
To compare humans with electric devices, humans also need to recharge our energy to resume activities in a daily life. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
If people can think nothing when they are doing nothing, this is a signal for rest.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> When people find themselves able to empty their minds during moments of inactivity, it serves as a signal for rest.
If we overcome this limit and are at this stage, then burnout is coming soon and resilience gets worse.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 So I agree with the opinion.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Taking a rest without doing nothing really help us to recover from stress.
>>> CORRECT~!^^

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139360 Married couple\'s argument ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-22 6
139359 Imagine a day in the life of a character who has the power to... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 177
139358 About my dream house ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 252
139357 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 1
139356 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 268
139355 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 2
139354 How can reading benefit you? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 247
139353 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 1
139352 How often do you have big family get-togethers? hat happens... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 250
139351 Do you like spending time at home? ±Ç*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 246
139350 Do you sometimes compete with your friends? In what way? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 245
139349 How can students become smart? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 273
139348 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 263
139347 Can you share any interesting stories or memorable experiences... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 244
139346 schedule ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 1
139345 What are some healthy habits you try to maintain in your daily... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 189
139344 2024.08.21 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 3
139343 The spreading of fake news ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 257
139342 What movie did you see and get disappointed? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 0
139341 Do you think men enjoy sports more than women? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 248

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04