¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Some psychologists think that the best way to overcome the stress of everyday life is to spend a por

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*´Ã
2024-07-01 1809

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q . Some psychologists think that the best way to overcome the stress of everyday life is to spend a portion of the day doing absolutely nothing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A. To compare humans with electric devices, humans also need to recharge our energy to resume activities in a daily life. If people can think nothing when they are doing nothing, this is a signal for rest. If we overcome this limit and are at this stage, then burnout is coming soon and resilience gets worse. So I agree with the opinion. Taking a rest without doing nothing really help us to recover from stress.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there CAMILLE! It's another day to enjoy! Thanks for your essay! Your structure and writing flow were very good. Your writing was succinct, organized, and easy to read. You've got this!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
To compare humans with electric devices, humans also need to recharge our energy to resume activities in a daily life. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
If people can think nothing when they are doing nothing, this is a signal for rest.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> When people find themselves able to empty their minds during moments of inactivity, it serves as a signal for rest.
If we overcome this limit and are at this stage, then burnout is coming soon and resilience gets worse.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 So I agree with the opinion.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Taking a rest without doing nothing really help us to recover from stress.
>>> CORRECT~!^^

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138405 2024.07.09 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1360
138404 Today\'s my homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1461
138403 Today\'s my homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1451
138402 Today\'s my homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1249
138401 Today\'s my homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1338
138400 Do you think electricity is the greatest invention ever? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1482
138399 2024.07.10 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1
138398 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1268
138397 Advertisment ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 2
138396 How should one respond to questions during an interview? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1310
138395 What are some rude gestures in your country? ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1298
138394 nervous ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1
138393 New Invention ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 3
138392 Page.13 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 0
138391 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1388
138390 HOMEWORK ÁÖ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1337
138389 Homework À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1
138388 Homework ½Å*Á¾ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 0
138387 HOMEWORK FOR 07.10.2024 WRITING TASK: Why do things slip our... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 3
138386 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 5

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04