¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Our trait is predetermined before being born?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*
2024-06-24 673

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I suppose that our character is a little bit predetermined. We inherited our physical and characteristic trait from our parents.
It is difficult to change. But if I really try to change the thing that I don't like, I can fix just a little bit. We can't change basic frame.
When I am a kind of stubborn person, I will try not to stick to my opinion. But eventually I will go back to my thoughts,even though I feel obliged to accept different opinion.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ms. April~! ^^Thanks for doing your essay! Well done! Your knowledge of the dispute and the events surrounding it shows in your essay. It is clear that you understand the main points of contention, and you have discussed these in an easily understood way. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I suppose that our character is a little bit predetermined. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
We inherited our physical and characteristic traits from our parents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
It is difficult to change.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
But if I really try to change the thing that I don't like, I can fix just a little bit.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>However, if I make a genuine effort to alter what I dislike, I can improve it slightly.
We can't change the basic frame.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
When I am a kind of stubborn person, I will try not to stick to my opinion.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 But eventually I will go back to my thoughts, even though I feel obliged to accept the different opinion.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130655 What are the important things to bring on a trip? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 6
130654 What does stress do to our body? Á¤*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 820
130653 Do you think punishments should be strict or people should be... º¹*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 4
130652 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 0
130651 What did you like to do when you were a child? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 4
130650 WRITING TASK: When do you treat your friends? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 4
130649 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 333
130648 Do you prefer traveling alone or traveling with family and... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 2
130647 A mobile phone ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 2
130646 How do you feel about not taking a risk at all? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 746
130645 How do you feel about advising your friends? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 402
130644 Do you think bullies still have the chance to change? Why or why... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 735
130643 What are the best ways to keep yourself fit? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 761
130642 Do we have a special responsibility to help others even though... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 841
130641 What are the pros and cons of keeping a pet? Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-31 425
130640 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-08-30 381
130639 What do you think are the biggest challenges facing transgenders... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-30 3
130638 I like hanging out ·ù*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-08-30 2
130637 If I apologize to my ex ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-30 960
130636 What is the best season to enjoy travelling in Korea? Why? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-30 992

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04