¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Our trait is predetermined before being born?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*
2024-06-24 472

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I suppose that our character is a little bit predetermined. We inherited our physical and characteristic trait from our parents.
It is difficult to change. But if I really try to change the thing that I don't like, I can fix just a little bit. We can't change basic frame.
When I am a kind of stubborn person, I will try not to stick to my opinion. But eventually I will go back to my thoughts,even though I feel obliged to accept different opinion.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ms. April~! ^^Thanks for doing your essay! Well done! Your knowledge of the dispute and the events surrounding it shows in your essay. It is clear that you understand the main points of contention, and you have discussed these in an easily understood way. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I suppose that our character is a little bit predetermined. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
We inherited our physical and characteristic traits from our parents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
It is difficult to change.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
But if I really try to change the thing that I don't like, I can fix just a little bit.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>However, if I make a genuine effort to alter what I dislike, I can improve it slightly.
We can't change the basic frame.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
When I am a kind of stubborn person, I will try not to stick to my opinion.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 But eventually I will go back to my thoughts, even though I feel obliged to accept the different opinion.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134027 An incident that changed my life/belief. Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 260
134026 18.Jan.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 1
134025 What has surprised you in a new place? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 3
134024 If you were going to recommend a trip to someone, would it be... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 3
134023 Do you prefer talking with others face to face or on the phone? ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 5
134022 Tell me about the best message you\'ve ever received. ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 4
134021 In your opinion, which source is more important and beneficial,... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 1
134020 How are you good at time management À±*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 453
134019 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 153
134018 What are the disadvantages of not learning another language? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 126
134017 homework 01.18 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 288
134016 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 186
134015 What do understand with this saying, \" If you are in Rome, do... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 573
134014 Travel Pros and cons Ȳ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 374
134013 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 2
134012 My favorite villain ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 556
134011 Appointment ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 316
134010 What are the advantages of spring school vacation? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 0
134009 Do you still have stuffed toys until now? ±Ç*¸ð ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 229
134008 My favorite season is.. ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 602

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04