¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Our trait is predetermined before being born?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*
2024-06-24 428

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I suppose that our character is a little bit predetermined. We inherited our physical and characteristic trait from our parents.
It is difficult to change. But if I really try to change the thing that I don't like, I can fix just a little bit. We can't change basic frame.
When I am a kind of stubborn person, I will try not to stick to my opinion. But eventually I will go back to my thoughts,even though I feel obliged to accept different opinion.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ms. April~! ^^Thanks for doing your essay! Well done! Your knowledge of the dispute and the events surrounding it shows in your essay. It is clear that you understand the main points of contention, and you have discussed these in an easily understood way. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I suppose that our character is a little bit predetermined. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
We inherited our physical and characteristic traits from our parents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
It is difficult to change.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
But if I really try to change the thing that I don't like, I can fix just a little bit.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>However, if I make a genuine effort to alter what I dislike, I can improve it slightly.
We can't change the basic frame.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
When I am a kind of stubborn person, I will try not to stick to my opinion.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 But eventually I will go back to my thoughts, even though I feel obliged to accept the different opinion.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134922 Sound suggestions ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 424
134921 How do you know about cats? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 379
134920 Do you have a piggy bank? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 170
134919 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 2
134918 I ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 186
134917 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 215
134916 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1
134915 Moving to a different part of a country after the retirement ÀÓ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 496
134914 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 5
134913 Is it important to have a good childhood to be successful in... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 365
134912 When was the last time you streamed a movie, and what streaming... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 341
134911 Which country do you think is not a safe place to live in? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 281
134910 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 295
134909 How does your bank support the local community through... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 3
134908 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 507
134907 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 0
134906 The new resolution ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 2
134905 What fusion-food would you like to try? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 355
134904 Deadline ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 2
134903 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04