¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 11

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÈÆ
2024-06-19 409

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Thank you Gemma

I was pleased to see you!
It's so hot these days, becareful not to get disease.
Have nice day!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Diego! Thanks for your essay! Your structure and writing flow were very good. Your writing was succinct, organized, and easy to read. You've got this!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Although parents are responsible for raising a child, outside influence plays a key role in their development. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
I agree that outside influence is important when a child becomes an adult. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
There are varieties of outside influences.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
One's childhood is influenced by one's neighbors, friends, communities and etc.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Parents roll shrink when children go to school.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
They spend more time in school rather than at home.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 They learn societies through community activities. 
 >>> They learn [from society ] through community activities. 
These lessons cannot be earned through parents.
>>> These lessons cannot be earned [from] parents.
 Children get the concepts about competition and cooperation, outside of a family. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
The knowledge from outside is different from children's parents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 It is more active, real and diverse.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 These stimulation encourage children to realize the world and what they are.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 The outside influence will help child's mature.
 >>>  The outside influence will help the child's [maturity].
One day as a baby bird leave its nest, a child will grow up as an adult and leave their parents. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
I believe parents roll is becoming a guide when their child choose a direction and prevent from evil.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> I believe parents should serve as mentors when their children make choices and safeguard them from harm.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139261 daydreaming ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 1
139260 How many hours a week should people work? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 301
139259 The most important gadget for me ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 319
139258 HOMEWORK FOR 08.19.2024 WRITING TASK: What do you consider when... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 2
139257 Is it good to have friends from other countries? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 0
139256 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 318
139255 What questions would you like to ask your favorite actor ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 294
139254 2024.08.16 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 288
139253 Traditional remedies ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 209
139252 What is your favorite thing about your previous workplace? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 234
139251 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-18 2
139250 homework 7 ¹Ú*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-18 3
139249 Would you interfere if you saw a fight in public? Why and why... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-18 1
139248 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-18 3
139247 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-18 1
139246 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-18 1
139245 What do you need to prepare when doing a presentation? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-18 1
139244 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-18 1
139243 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-18 2
139242 0818 writing task ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-18 5

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04