¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK DAY 4

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÁÖ
2024-06-19 534

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Todays there are a lot of people are learning foreign language to seek better opportunities of living and working. I also agree that more and more people embrace learning other languages than before to develop their living-qualities.

Firstly, people learn second language to live well balanced life in great environment.
For example, Canada is one of the countries with the largest number of family immigrants. The country is renowned for its awe inspiring natural beauty and inclusive immigration policies. In addition its welcoming environment, Canada also boasts a high standard of living, education and health care system. Its cities are safe and clean and offer variety of cultural attractions and entertainment options. For these reasons, many parents and children are willing to take the challenge of learning English for the purpose of immigrating.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there MINJU! It's another day to enjoy! Thanks for your essay! Your structure and writing flow were very good. Your writing was succinct, organized, and easy to read. You've got this!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Todays there are a lot of people are learning foreign language to seek better opportunities of living and working.
>>> [Today] there are a lot of people learning foreign languages to seek better opportunities of living and working.
 I also agree that more and more people embrace learning other languages than before to develop their living-qualities.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Firstly, people learn a second language to live well balanced life in great environment.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example, Canada is one of the countries with the largest number of family immigrants.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 The country is renowned for its awe inspiring natural beauty and inclusive immigration policies. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In addition its welcoming environment, Canada also boasts a high standard of living, education and health care system.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Its cities are safe and clean and offer variety of cultural attractions and entertainment options.
>>> CORRECT~!^^ 
For these reasons, many parents and children are willing to take the challenge of learning English for the purpose of immigrating.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Secondly, people learn second language to get better job opportunities. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For instance, professionals fluent in both Korean and English can excel in international business roles, facilitating better communication with clients and partners from other countries.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Additionally, in the tourism industry, multilingual tour guides can cater to a diverse range of tourists, enhancing their employability. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Moreover, translators and interpreters who are proficient in multiple languages are in high demand for roles in government agencies and international organizations.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Overall, mastering a second language opens up many opportunities in today's global job market.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In conclusion, learning a second language is a valuable investment for individuals seeking to improve their quality of life and expand their career opportunities. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
As more people recognize the benefits of bilingualism, the trend of acquiring new languages will continue to grow, leading to better communication and understanding worldwide.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134255 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-29 431
134254 Why do you think it\'s easier for people to have or develop bad... ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 440
134253 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 653
134252 How do you deal with spam e-mail? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 396
134251 Why is English fluency significant for you? õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 516
134250 home work ÃÖ*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 521
134249 Homework - \"What\'s the most disgusting food you ever ate in a... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 693
134248 Why do you think dancing is hard? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 560
134247 Interests ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 2
134246 4 Day HOMEWORK ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 438
134245 I think the English and Korean are most beautiful language. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 0
134244 Love and Marriage ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 2
134243 Fashion ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 1
134242 Driving ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-28 0
134241 What are some signs that a partner may be cheating? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-01-27 709
134240 Who always asks favors from you? À±*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-01-27 448
134239 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-26 2
134238 homework 01.26 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-01-26 325
134237 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-26 1
134236 Homework ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-26 572

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04