¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2024-06-17 570

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Long working hours definitely contribute to economic productivity if those are industries requiring continuous operation. It is directly related to working hours whereas office workers, service job employees and professional workers don't affect their productivity by the working hours. Although it has positive effect to nation's economic development, there are some negative social consequences. Firstly, it is associated with increased stress, fatigue, and various health problems. Secondly, extended working hours leave less time for leisure, family and personal development leading to a poorer work-life balance. Lastly, exhaustion from long hours can hinder innovation and creativity. Government in Korea has implemented 40 hour working a week measure since 2003 to boost employees' work-life balance and prevent diseases related to the stress from long working hours. Although, long working hours may correlate with economic success, its negative effects have to be considered for sustainable

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Mr. Hwang~! ^^ Well done! Your knowledge of the dispute and the events surrounding it shows in your essay. It is clear that you understand the main points of contention, and you have discussed these in an easily understood way.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Long working hours definitely contribute to economic productivity if those are industries requiring continuous operation.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 It is directly related to working hours whereas office workers, service job employees and professional workers don't affect their productivity by the working hours. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Although it has positive effect to nation's economic development, there are some negative social consequences.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Firstly, it is associated with increased stress, fatigue, and various health problems.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Secondly, extended working hours leave less time for leisure, family and personal development leading to a poorer work-life balance.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Lastly, exhaustion from long hours can hinder innovation and creativity.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Government in Korea has implemented 40 hour working a week measure since 2003 to boost employees' work-life balance and prevent diseases related to stress from long working hours.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Although, long working hours may correlate with economic success, its negative effects have to be considered for sustainable
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134924 The best thing about my grandma ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 316
134923 Why do you think people are dbsessed with their heights? Give at... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 2
134922 Sound suggestions ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 428
134921 How do you know about cats? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 381
134920 Do you have a piggy bank? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 173
134919 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 2
134918 I ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 190
134917 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 218
134916 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1
134915 Moving to a different part of a country after the retirement ÀÓ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 502
134914 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 5
134913 Is it important to have a good childhood to be successful in... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 368
134912 When was the last time you streamed a movie, and what streaming... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 345
134911 Which country do you think is not a safe place to live in? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 281
134910 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 299
134909 How does your bank support the local community through... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 3
134908 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 511
134907 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 0
134906 The new resolution ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 2
134905 What fusion-food would you like to try? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 358

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04