¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2024-06-17 437

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Long working hours definitely contribute to economic productivity if those are industries requiring continuous operation. It is directly related to working hours whereas office workers, service job employees and professional workers don't affect their productivity by the working hours. Although it has positive effect to nation's economic development, there are some negative social consequences. Firstly, it is associated with increased stress, fatigue, and various health problems. Secondly, extended working hours leave less time for leisure, family and personal development leading to a poorer work-life balance. Lastly, exhaustion from long hours can hinder innovation and creativity. Government in Korea has implemented 40 hour working a week measure since 2003 to boost employees' work-life balance and prevent diseases related to the stress from long working hours. Although, long working hours may correlate with economic success, its negative effects have to be considered for sustainable

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Mr. Hwang~! ^^ Well done! Your knowledge of the dispute and the events surrounding it shows in your essay. It is clear that you understand the main points of contention, and you have discussed these in an easily understood way.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Long working hours definitely contribute to economic productivity if those are industries requiring continuous operation.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 It is directly related to working hours whereas office workers, service job employees and professional workers don't affect their productivity by the working hours. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Although it has positive effect to nation's economic development, there are some negative social consequences.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Firstly, it is associated with increased stress, fatigue, and various health problems.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Secondly, extended working hours leave less time for leisure, family and personal development leading to a poorer work-life balance.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Lastly, exhaustion from long hours can hinder innovation and creativity.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Government in Korea has implemented 40 hour working a week measure since 2003 to boost employees' work-life balance and prevent diseases related to stress from long working hours.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Although, long working hours may correlate with economic success, its negative effects have to be considered for sustainable
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136584 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-20 302
136583 How do you think society\'s definition of beauty has changed... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-20 315
136582 Is traveling and visiting every country one of your goals in... ¿À*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-20 1
136581 My shape ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-20 301
136580 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 4
136579 How should we advertise ourselves? What are the dos and don\'ts? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 0
136578 homework 04.19 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 353
136577 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 294
136576 Are there any controversies or concerns related to the use of... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 327
136575 HAPPY ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 266
136574 What ride do you like the most in an amusement park? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 217
136573 Keeping up with something ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 700
136572 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 398
136571 What can we learn from failure? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 215
136570 What architects mean to me. ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 242
136569 What do you think are the biggest challenges facing young people... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 136
136568 What is your favorite school memory that you think about from... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 183
136567 homework ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 1
136566 2024.04.19 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 2
136565 When do you ask for favors? ¸Í*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-19 227

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04