¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Generally, what do kids in Korea want to be when they grow up? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2024-06-16 1942

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Generally, boys want to be police officer and YouTube creater when they grow up, girls want to be designer and idol when they grow up in Korea.
It maybe they think police officer is cool and right, YouTube creater is funny and rich, designer is charming, idol is pretty

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Yale!

Here's your edited composition. Many thanks for sending it. Please read the corrections made below. Enjoy your evening there! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                Generally, what do kids in Korea want to be when they grow up? Explain your answer.


Generally, boys want to be police officer and YouTube creater when they grow up, girls want to be designer and idol when they grow up in Korea.
>> Generally, boys want to be police officers and YouTube content creators when they grow up whereas girls want to be designers and idols when they grow up in Korea.

It maybe they think police officer is cool and right, YouTube creater is funny and rich, designer is charming, idol is pretty
>> Maybe they think being a police officer is cool and right, being a YouTube creator is fun and rich, being a designer is charming, and being an idol is pretty
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137133 a pain in the neck ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137132 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 0
137131 2024.05.13 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137130 Homework ¹Ú*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2024
137129 Is time manament important? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1978
137128 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1931
137127 2024.05.10 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2491
137126 Page.12 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137125 homework Á¶*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137124 Have you ever seen a piece of art that affected you strongly?... À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137123 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2649
137122 When do you think you¡¯ll stop learning? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2066
137121 HOMEWORK FOR 05/13 ÃÖ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 6
137120 Do you prefer to eat in the same restaurant or explore new ones? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2087
137119 diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137118 When was the last time you thought you were missing half of your... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 5
137117 My future ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 2494
137116 Make three sentences using the word ESTABLISH. ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-05-13 1
137115 What are the advantages and disadvantages of renting rather than... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-12 2302
137114 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-12 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04