¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Generally, what do kids in Korea want to be when they grow up? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2024-06-16 692

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Generally, boys want to be police officer and YouTube creater when they grow up, girls want to be designer and idol when they grow up in Korea.
It maybe they think police officer is cool and right, YouTube creater is funny and rich, designer is charming, idol is pretty

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Yale!

Here's your edited composition. Many thanks for sending it. Please read the corrections made below. Enjoy your evening there! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                Generally, what do kids in Korea want to be when they grow up? Explain your answer.


Generally, boys want to be police officer and YouTube creater when they grow up, girls want to be designer and idol when they grow up in Korea.
>> Generally, boys want to be police officers and YouTube content creators when they grow up whereas girls want to be designers and idols when they grow up in Korea.

It maybe they think police officer is cool and right, YouTube creater is funny and rich, designer is charming, idol is pretty
>> Maybe they think being a police officer is cool and right, being a YouTube creator is fun and rich, being a designer is charming, and being an idol is pretty
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135072 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 351
135071 Discuss the pros and cons of using public transportation versus... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 685
135070 Think about a time when you helped someone. Describe the... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 476
135069 Describe a piece of technology you find useful in your daily... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 375
135068 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 579
135067 Discuss your daily routine, including diet, exercise, and... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 637
135066 Business expense request ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 2
135065 👍🏻 Ȳ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 395
135064 a stomach ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 1
135063 Why do you need a moblie phone? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 399
135062 I going to talk about the famous places in korea °í*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 410
135061 What exotic food would you like to try? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 435
135060 Spend six months in Canada ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 471
135059 What is the best gift you have ever given to a friend? Why was... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 669
135058 >> Give an example of a superstitious belief in Korea and... ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 2
135057 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 1
135056 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 2
135055 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 542
135054 doctors ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 314
135053 I heard that some schools are shutting down in Korea, what does... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04