¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Generally, what do kids in Korea want to be when they grow up? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2024-06-16 540

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Generally, boys want to be police officer and YouTube creater when they grow up, girls want to be designer and idol when they grow up in Korea.
It maybe they think police officer is cool and right, YouTube creater is funny and rich, designer is charming, idol is pretty

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Yale!

Here's your edited composition. Many thanks for sending it. Please read the corrections made below. Enjoy your evening there! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                Generally, what do kids in Korea want to be when they grow up? Explain your answer.


Generally, boys want to be police officer and YouTube creater when they grow up, girls want to be designer and idol when they grow up in Korea.
>> Generally, boys want to be police officers and YouTube content creators when they grow up whereas girls want to be designers and idols when they grow up in Korea.

It maybe they think police officer is cool and right, YouTube creater is funny and rich, designer is charming, idol is pretty
>> Maybe they think being a police officer is cool and right, being a YouTube creator is fun and rich, being a designer is charming, and being an idol is pretty
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136861 Have you ever volunteered to help after a natural disaster? If... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-01 312
136860 HOMEWORK FOR 05.01.2024 ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-01 3
136859 Global warming ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-01 1
136858 How do you relate to people who are 5 years younger than you? À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-01 1
136857 30.Apr.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-01 2
136856 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-05-01 184
136855 When do you usually listen to music? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-05-01 0
136854 Why is there a strong demand for language skills? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-05-01 0
136853 Page.3 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-01 0
136852 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 4
136851 What do you think is the most effective way of advertising... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2
136850 What are the advantages of having a big family? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 175
136849 What do you think of the rainy season? How do you feel when it... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 212
136848 homework 04.30 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 174
136847 Choose the correct preposition for the following sentences: 1.... ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 202
136846 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 1
136845 Why do you think Korean dramas are so popular? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 0
136844 What do you think is the most useful thing in the world? Explain. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 0
136843 Fears ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 242
136842 What are some good things to ask someone you just met? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 164

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04