¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK DAY 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÁÖ
2024-06-12 796

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Giving children hopeful messages is encouraged in many countries. However, I personally believe that we also think about pros as well as cons in terms of education.

These days, in many schools, teachers try to teach children ways to get through hardship to get accomplishments. Growth mindset, is one of examples, describes a way of viewing challenges and hardship on tasks. It helps children have repsillience that is essential for great achievements. Therefore, children who learned the way to compensate failures are much more likely to have career they want.

However, giving positive messages is not always key to success. In sports field only a few people can hold the spotlight. For instance, one of my colleagues prepared for the national running team until high school. However, he was injured during training and couldn¡¯t make up a national athlete. Therefore, it's more important to know that even children try their best, they can still don¡¯t make a good result.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A fantastic day to you MINJU~!^^ Thanks for doing your essay! The arguments in the essay were exceptionally well-developed, consistently clear and well justified. You have effectively presented your ideas in an interesting and critical manner and you have presented a good quality and variety of examples. Keep it up! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Giving children hopeful messages is encouraged in many countries. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>In many countries, encouraging children with hopeful messages is a common practice.
However, I personally believe that we also think about pros as well as cons in terms of education.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> However, I personally believe that in education, it's important to consider both the pros and cons.

These days, in many schools, teachers try to teach children ways to get through hardship to get accomplishments.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>These days, many schools emphasize teaching children how to overcome adversity to achieve success.
 Growth mindset, is one of examples, describes a way of viewing challenges and hardship on tasks.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 It helps children have resilience that is essential for great achievements.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Therefore, children who learned the way to compensate failures are much more likely to have the career they want.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, giving positive messages is not always key to success. 
>>> However, giving positive messages is not always [the] key to [succeed]. 
OR>>> Nevertheless, positive messaging alone does not guarantee success.
In the field of sports only a few people can hold the spotlight.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 For instance, one of my colleagues prepared for the national running team until high school. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, he was injured during the training and couldn¡¯t make up a national athlete.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Therefore, it's more important to know that even children try their best, they can't still make a good result.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129964 Today(8/4) absence ÀÓ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 0
129963 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1376
129962 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1638
129961 If you made a video about August, what would you put in it? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1445
129960 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1667
129959 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1439
129958 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 1439
129957 Do you think a diverse population is good for your country? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 2
129956 Do you think cramming, parroting, or just memorizing is a good... ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 1869
129955 What are your ideal working conditions? º¹*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 1
129954 If you could change nationality, which other nationality would... ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 1
129953 Is the interview important? Why and why not? Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 1
129952 homework 08.03 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 1890
129951 Why do you think children like chocolate? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 1998
129950 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 0
129949 Choose one that you like, Chocolate, Ice cream or Candies and... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 803
129948 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 2404
129947 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 1657
129946 How do you feel the evening before the weekend starts? Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 0
129945 Homework ÁÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-03 1471

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04