¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK DAY 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÁÖ
2024-06-12 1147

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Giving children hopeful messages is encouraged in many countries. However, I personally believe that we also think about pros as well as cons in terms of education.

These days, in many schools, teachers try to teach children ways to get through hardship to get accomplishments. Growth mindset, is one of examples, describes a way of viewing challenges and hardship on tasks. It helps children have repsillience that is essential for great achievements. Therefore, children who learned the way to compensate failures are much more likely to have career they want.

However, giving positive messages is not always key to success. In sports field only a few people can hold the spotlight. For instance, one of my colleagues prepared for the national running team until high school. However, he was injured during training and couldn¡¯t make up a national athlete. Therefore, it's more important to know that even children try their best, they can still don¡¯t make a good result.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A fantastic day to you MINJU~!^^ Thanks for doing your essay! The arguments in the essay were exceptionally well-developed, consistently clear and well justified. You have effectively presented your ideas in an interesting and critical manner and you have presented a good quality and variety of examples. Keep it up! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Giving children hopeful messages is encouraged in many countries. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>In many countries, encouraging children with hopeful messages is a common practice.
However, I personally believe that we also think about pros as well as cons in terms of education.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> However, I personally believe that in education, it's important to consider both the pros and cons.

These days, in many schools, teachers try to teach children ways to get through hardship to get accomplishments.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>These days, many schools emphasize teaching children how to overcome adversity to achieve success.
 Growth mindset, is one of examples, describes a way of viewing challenges and hardship on tasks.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 It helps children have resilience that is essential for great achievements.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Therefore, children who learned the way to compensate failures are much more likely to have the career they want.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, giving positive messages is not always key to success. 
>>> However, giving positive messages is not always [the] key to [succeed]. 
OR>>> Nevertheless, positive messaging alone does not guarantee success.
In the field of sports only a few people can hold the spotlight.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 For instance, one of my colleagues prepared for the national running team until high school. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, he was injured during the training and couldn¡¯t make up a national athlete.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Therefore, it's more important to know that even children try their best, they can't still make a good result.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137843 Is it hard to apologize? How do you apologize to someone? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1205
137842 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1128
137841 Many governments think that economic progress is their most... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 785
137840 When do you feel most energized? What do you like to do with... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1259
137839 If animals could speak, what do you think they would say to... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1162
137838 HOMEWORK FOR 06.14.2024 WRITING TASK: What are the qualities of... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 3
137837 Are beauty standards like in your home country different to the... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1112
137836 Procrastinating something ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1024
137835 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 873
137834 Have you ever tried complaining at a restaurant? Why? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 1025
137833 Page.56 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-14 0
137832 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 3
137831 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 0
137830 What are the marriage customs in your country? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 775
137829 What was the most thrilling thing you\'ve ever done? Explain. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 1394
137828 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 0
137827 What do you think is the best job in the world? Explain. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 972
137826 Friends ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 693
137825 When was the last time that you had a wonderful time? Write... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 1074
137824 What are the things you\'re sorry for recently? Write at least... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-13 2381

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04