¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK DAY 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÁÖ
2024-06-12 932

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Giving children hopeful messages is encouraged in many countries. However, I personally believe that we also think about pros as well as cons in terms of education.

These days, in many schools, teachers try to teach children ways to get through hardship to get accomplishments. Growth mindset, is one of examples, describes a way of viewing challenges and hardship on tasks. It helps children have repsillience that is essential for great achievements. Therefore, children who learned the way to compensate failures are much more likely to have career they want.

However, giving positive messages is not always key to success. In sports field only a few people can hold the spotlight. For instance, one of my colleagues prepared for the national running team until high school. However, he was injured during training and couldn¡¯t make up a national athlete. Therefore, it's more important to know that even children try their best, they can still don¡¯t make a good result.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A fantastic day to you MINJU~!^^ Thanks for doing your essay! The arguments in the essay were exceptionally well-developed, consistently clear and well justified. You have effectively presented your ideas in an interesting and critical manner and you have presented a good quality and variety of examples. Keep it up! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Giving children hopeful messages is encouraged in many countries. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>In many countries, encouraging children with hopeful messages is a common practice.
However, I personally believe that we also think about pros as well as cons in terms of education.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> However, I personally believe that in education, it's important to consider both the pros and cons.

These days, in many schools, teachers try to teach children ways to get through hardship to get accomplishments.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>These days, many schools emphasize teaching children how to overcome adversity to achieve success.
 Growth mindset, is one of examples, describes a way of viewing challenges and hardship on tasks.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 It helps children have resilience that is essential for great achievements.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Therefore, children who learned the way to compensate failures are much more likely to have the career they want.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, giving positive messages is not always key to success. 
>>> However, giving positive messages is not always [the] key to [succeed]. 
OR>>> Nevertheless, positive messaging alone does not guarantee success.
In the field of sports only a few people can hold the spotlight.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 For instance, one of my colleagues prepared for the national running team until high school. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, he was injured during the training and couldn¡¯t make up a national athlete.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Therefore, it's more important to know that even children try their best, they can't still make a good result.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138417 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 632
138416 Are parents who feed junk food to their children irresponsible? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 580
138415 Can you describe a piece of music that has a special meaning to... Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 843
138414 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 0
138413 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 0
138412 Does your hometown have any festivals? What happens at that... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 0
138411 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1
138410 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 0
138409 If you were a song, what song would you be and why? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 630
138408 Can you describe a piece of music that has a special meaning to... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 740
138407 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 536
138406 Parent and children ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 862
138405 2024.07.09 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 551
138404 Today\'s my homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 538
138403 Today\'s my homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 650
138402 Today\'s my homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 495
138401 Today\'s my homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 557
138400 Do you think electricity is the greatest invention ever? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 642
138399 2024.07.10 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 1
138398 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-10 459

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04