¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.11

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-06-11 933

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
How important is it to keep our eyes healthy? Why?

Our body have sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch.
Among them, I think vision is the most important sensor of the body.
I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if this parts problem occurs.
But, our eyes are the weakest body parts.
So we need to do checkups often.
Unfortunately, getting old and usually people get presbyopia and cataracts.
That's why many people do eyes surgery.
So I think it's important do our body checkup for eyes healthy and our healthy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille



~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
How important is it to keep our eyes healthy? Why?


Our body have sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch.
>> Our body has 5 senses: the sense of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.
Among them, I think vision is the most important sensor of the body.
>> CORRECT!
I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if this parts problem occurs.
>> I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if these parts experience some problems.
But, our eyes are the weakest body parts.
>> But, our eyes are the weakest among the body parts.
So we need to do checkups often.
>> CORRECT!
Unfortunately, getting old and usually people get presbyopia and cataracts.
>> Unfortunately, getting old, people usually get presbyopia and cataracts.
That's why many people do eyes surgery.
>> That's why many people do eye surgeries.
OR >> That's why many people undergo eye surgeries.
So I think it's important do our body checkup for eyes healthy and our healthy.
>> So I think it's important do our body checkup, for our eyes' health and our health in general.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140220 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1
140219 >> What are some essential tips for hosting a memorable pajama... ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 4
140218 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 0
140217 Are you or anyone you know allergic to any food? What happens if... ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1035
140216 Writing task: What is the best place for a vacation in your... ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1004
140215 Has social media made it easier to get famous? Is this good or... ¹Ú*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1008
140214 What are the benefits of dancing? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 2
140213 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 2
140212 Are you good at planning? Do you always follow your plan? Why or... ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1117
140211 give away ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1
140210 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 955
140209 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 899
140208 What hobby do you think would surprise people about you and why? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1146
140207 Should holidays be spread evenly throughout the year, or is it... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1217
140206 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1
140205 My major ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1108
140204 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1096
140203 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 838
140202 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1
140201 Is laziness always a bad thing? Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 5

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04