¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.11

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-06-11 856

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
How important is it to keep our eyes healthy? Why?

Our body have sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch.
Among them, I think vision is the most important sensor of the body.
I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if this parts problem occurs.
But, our eyes are the weakest body parts.
So we need to do checkups often.
Unfortunately, getting old and usually people get presbyopia and cataracts.
That's why many people do eyes surgery.
So I think it's important do our body checkup for eyes healthy and our healthy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille



~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
How important is it to keep our eyes healthy? Why?


Our body have sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch.
>> Our body has 5 senses: the sense of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.
Among them, I think vision is the most important sensor of the body.
>> CORRECT!
I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if this parts problem occurs.
>> I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if these parts experience some problems.
But, our eyes are the weakest body parts.
>> But, our eyes are the weakest among the body parts.
So we need to do checkups often.
>> CORRECT!
Unfortunately, getting old and usually people get presbyopia and cataracts.
>> Unfortunately, getting old, people usually get presbyopia and cataracts.
That's why many people do eyes surgery.
>> That's why many people do eye surgeries.
OR >> That's why many people undergo eye surgeries.
So I think it's important do our body checkup for eyes healthy and our healthy.
>> So I think it's important do our body checkup, for our eyes' health and our health in general.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136675 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1451
136674 Is there any particular food that you don\'t eat due to personal... ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1397
136673 What¡¯s your favorite website? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 0
136672 What qualities of a person do most people hate? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 0
136671 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 0
136670 Korea ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1638
136669 homework and question ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 4
136668 Homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 699
136667 1. ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 3
136666 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 1309
136665 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 6
136664 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 2
136663 What facts do you know about fish? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 978
136662 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 0
136661 How do you keep your body clean and healthy? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 848
136660 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 0
136659 What sports do you want to be famous for? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 1211
136658 What are your thoughts on the different clubs or organizations... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 0
136657 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 1
136656 Dropping a line ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 719

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04