¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.11

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-06-11 786

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
How important is it to keep our eyes healthy? Why?

Our body have sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch.
Among them, I think vision is the most important sensor of the body.
I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if this parts problem occurs.
But, our eyes are the weakest body parts.
So we need to do checkups often.
Unfortunately, getting old and usually people get presbyopia and cataracts.
That's why many people do eyes surgery.
So I think it's important do our body checkup for eyes healthy and our healthy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille



~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
How important is it to keep our eyes healthy? Why?


Our body have sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch.
>> Our body has 5 senses: the sense of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.
Among them, I think vision is the most important sensor of the body.
>> CORRECT!
I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if this parts problem occurs.
>> I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if these parts experience some problems.
But, our eyes are the weakest body parts.
>> But, our eyes are the weakest among the body parts.
So we need to do checkups often.
>> CORRECT!
Unfortunately, getting old and usually people get presbyopia and cataracts.
>> Unfortunately, getting old, people usually get presbyopia and cataracts.
That's why many people do eyes surgery.
>> That's why many people do eye surgeries.
OR >> That's why many people undergo eye surgeries.
So I think it's important do our body checkup for eyes healthy and our healthy.
>> So I think it's important do our body checkup, for our eyes' health and our health in general.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137214 Can you imagine a life without the internet? How will you... ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 907
137213 homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 1431
137212 How do holidays and vacations impact your overall well-being? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 1013
137211 Is a college education worth it? Are you Pro or Con? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 975
137210 Do you ever have trouble with choices and making decisions? Give... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 964
137209 Magazines or newpaper ¿ì*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 5
137208 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 1282
137207 Do you love yourself? Is it important to love yourself? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 2169
137206 Could you live in another country for the rest of your life? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 1
137205 homework 05.15 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 1019
137204 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 2
137203 What do you need to do to train for and run a marathon? ¿À*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 0
137202 A high-paying job ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 985
137201 What\'s your favorite toy? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 844
137200 What job do you think is cool? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 799
137199 Homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 877
137198 2024.05.14 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 1321
137197 homework ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 3
137196 Do you often watch TV? What programs do you like to watch? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 983
137195 spend money ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04