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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however,

작성자: 황*하
2024-06-05 444

회원님의 영작문

There are two types of people, one don't like any changes the other believe that it is not possible to be successful without changes. I used to do anything for my careers and getting a job after graduation of university but I really hate any kind of changes because I am quite satisfied with my life. As getting old, people tend to be stable, on the other hand, young people prefer to exposure changes and under the risks because they believe that they can gain anything without risks. I agree with the trues that no risk result in no gain, but it also means that there will be heavy risks if it fails. This is the main reason why I don't prefer to take changes. I am a stock holder but I find the companies which run their business stably due to the high risk of other options. Each aspect has advantages and disadvantages, so I can't say which is right way to be but I can say that young people must have a lot of experience and then find the thing they like the most.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good afternoon Mr. Hwang! Wow! You surprised me with your essays! As usual, you've demonstrated excellent understanding of the key issues and theories. Your explanations were clear, and you covered most of the key points relating to both consequentialism and deontology. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
There are two types of people, one don't like any changes the other believe that it is not possible to be successful without changes.
>>> There are two types of people, one [doesn't] like any changes and the other [believes] that it is not possible to be successful without changes.
I used to do anything for my careers and getting a job after graduation of university but I really hate any kind of changes because I am quite satisfied with my life. 
>>> I used to do anything for my [career] and getting a job after  [graduating from] university but I really hate any kind of changes because I am quite satisfied with my life. 
As getting old, people tend to be stable, on the other hand, young people prefer to exposure changes and under the risks because they believe that they can gain anything without risks.
>>> As getting [older], people tend to be stable, on the other hand, young people prefer to [be exposed to] changes and [take] the risks because they believe that they [can't] gain anything [taking a] risks.
 I agree with the trues that no risk result in no gain, but it also means that there will be heavy risks if it fails. 
>>> I agree with the [proverb "no risk, no gain"] but it also means that there will be  heavy risks if it fails. 
This is the main reason why I don't prefer to take changes.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 I am a stock holder but I find the companies which run their business stably due to the high risk of other options. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Each aspect has advantages and disadvantages, so I can't say which is right way to be but I can say that young people must have a lot of experiences and then find the thing they like the most.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
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