¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.03

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-06-03 212

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In your opinion, what punishments should be given to people who hurt animals?

Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still happen animal abuse.
In my country also have a low about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases go to jail.
The reason why most of them get suspended sentences, or get a small fine.
So many people saying that the South Korea animal law is too weak.
And there are many sad points.
The abused animals and abandoned animals go to animal shelters.
But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so finish the period of time, the animals are euthanized.
So I want people who abuse animals and abandoned animals to get huge fine or go to jail.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In your opinion, what punishments should be given to people who hurt animals?


Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still happen animal abuse.
>> Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still animal abuse
cases that happen these days.
In my country also have a low about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases go to jail.
>> In my country, there is also a law about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases where criminals go to jail.
The reason why most of them get suspended sentences, or get a small fine.
>> That's the reason why most of them get suspended, or pay a small fine.
So many people saying that the South Korea animal law is too weak.
>> Many people say that the law about animal welfare in South Korea is too weak.
And there are many sad points.
>> CORRECT!
The abused animals and abandoned animals go to animal shelters.
>> CORRECT!
But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so finish the period of time, the animals are euthanized.
>> But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so after a period of time, the animals are euthanized.
So I want people who abuse animals and abandoned animals to get a huge fine or go to jail.
>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139006 Jeju ÃÖ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 410
139005 Things that I would never do to my friend. ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 358
139004 What do Korean students usually do during their summer school... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 346
139003 8/7 writing task ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 5
139002 Describe your kindergarten graduation what did you wear and how... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 384
139001 What do you think is the most fun thing to do in the world?... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 351
139000 What\'s the most fun water activity for you? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 336
138999 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 0
138998 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 0
138997 [HW] What role do your interests play in your social... °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 248
138996 Is obesity a disease? ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 337
138995 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 352
138994 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 4
138993 Would you like to be a model? What do you think a model¡¯s life... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 226
138992 Is anger ever a bad thing? If so, when? Why? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 3
138991 Aside from financial reasons, why do we need to have a job? Àå*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 357
138990 Writing task: Are tattoos common and acceptable in Korea? Why or... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 353
138989 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 357
138988 Publishing names ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 236
138987 Cutting down on caffeine. ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-06 6

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04