¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.03

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-06-03 383

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In your opinion, what punishments should be given to people who hurt animals?

Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still happen animal abuse.
In my country also have a low about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases go to jail.
The reason why most of them get suspended sentences, or get a small fine.
So many people saying that the South Korea animal law is too weak.
And there are many sad points.
The abused animals and abandoned animals go to animal shelters.
But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so finish the period of time, the animals are euthanized.
So I want people who abuse animals and abandoned animals to get huge fine or go to jail.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In your opinion, what punishments should be given to people who hurt animals?


Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still happen animal abuse.
>> Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still animal abuse
cases that happen these days.
In my country also have a low about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases go to jail.
>> In my country, there is also a law about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases where criminals go to jail.
The reason why most of them get suspended sentences, or get a small fine.
>> That's the reason why most of them get suspended, or pay a small fine.
So many people saying that the South Korea animal law is too weak.
>> Many people say that the law about animal welfare in South Korea is too weak.
And there are many sad points.
>> CORRECT!
The abused animals and abandoned animals go to animal shelters.
>> CORRECT!
But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so finish the period of time, the animals are euthanized.
>> But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so after a period of time, the animals are euthanized.
So I want people who abuse animals and abandoned animals to get a huge fine or go to jail.
>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135715 homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-03-21 510
135714 homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-21 599
135713 Which one is better, too confident or nervous but prepared? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-21 747
135712 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 544
135711 Where do you usually buy your clothes? How often do you buy new... ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 773
135710 homework 03.20 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 873
135709 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 495
135708 Homework ¹Ú*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 598
135707 Dream ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 932
135706 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 2
135705 2023.03.20 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 1
135704 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 718
135703 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 547
135702 The scariest moment in my life. ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 903
135701 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 0
135700 What does success mean to you, and how do you plan to reach it? ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 761
135699 first day is no homework? ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 1126
135698 What are some differences you notice between the food in your... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 3
135697 HOMEWORK: [Grammar] What three (3) adjectives would you use to... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 0
135696 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-20 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04