¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.03

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-06-03 853

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In your opinion, what punishments should be given to people who hurt animals?

Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still happen animal abuse.
In my country also have a low about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases go to jail.
The reason why most of them get suspended sentences, or get a small fine.
So many people saying that the South Korea animal law is too weak.
And there are many sad points.
The abused animals and abandoned animals go to animal shelters.
But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so finish the period of time, the animals are euthanized.
So I want people who abuse animals and abandoned animals to get huge fine or go to jail.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In your opinion, what punishments should be given to people who hurt animals?


Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still happen animal abuse.
>> Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still animal abuse
cases that happen these days.
In my country also have a low about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases go to jail.
>> In my country, there is also a law about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases where criminals go to jail.
The reason why most of them get suspended sentences, or get a small fine.
>> That's the reason why most of them get suspended, or pay a small fine.
So many people saying that the South Korea animal law is too weak.
>> Many people say that the law about animal welfare in South Korea is too weak.
And there are many sad points.
>> CORRECT!
The abused animals and abandoned animals go to animal shelters.
>> CORRECT!
But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so finish the period of time, the animals are euthanized.
>> But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so after a period of time, the animals are euthanized.
So I want people who abuse animals and abandoned animals to get a huge fine or go to jail.
>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138554 HOMEWORK 07.17.2024 ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 4
138553 HOMEWORK FOR 07.16.2024 WRITING TASK: What are valid reasons for... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 4
138552 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 1228
138551 Homwork ½Å*Á¾ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 1554
138550 What was your first day at work like? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 5
138549 Have you ever had an interesting or memorable experience while... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 1987
138548 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 3
138547 16.July.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 2
138546 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1322
138545 2024.07.16 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1514
138544 sacrifice ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1893
138543 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 2
138542 How do you convince yourself not to give up? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1312
138541 What is the most important sense for you among the five senses?... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1618
138540 What kind of TV programs do Korean kids watch these days?... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1564
138539 Ice cream ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1404
138538 Has your boss ever told you to do something unethical? Did you... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1991
138537 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1288
138536 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1752
138535 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1630

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04