¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 06.03

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-06-03 856

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In your opinion, what punishments should be given to people who hurt animals?

Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still happen animal abuse.
In my country also have a low about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases go to jail.
The reason why most of them get suspended sentences, or get a small fine.
So many people saying that the South Korea animal law is too weak.
And there are many sad points.
The abused animals and abandoned animals go to animal shelters.
But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so finish the period of time, the animals are euthanized.
So I want people who abuse animals and abandoned animals to get huge fine or go to jail.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In your opinion, what punishments should be given to people who hurt animals?


Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still happen animal abuse.
>> Animal abuse is much less than before, but there are still animal abuse
cases that happen these days.
In my country also have a low about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases go to jail.
>> In my country, there is also a law about animal abuse, but there are very a few cases where criminals go to jail.
The reason why most of them get suspended sentences, or get a small fine.
>> That's the reason why most of them get suspended, or pay a small fine.
So many people saying that the South Korea animal law is too weak.
>> Many people say that the law about animal welfare in South Korea is too weak.
And there are many sad points.
>> CORRECT!
The abused animals and abandoned animals go to animal shelters.
>> CORRECT!
But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so finish the period of time, the animals are euthanized.
>> But, they don't have enough space in the shelter, so after a period of time, the animals are euthanized.
So I want people who abuse animals and abandoned animals to get a huge fine or go to jail.
>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138638 What is the scariest movie you\'ve ever watched. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 1387
138637 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 1
138636 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 1819
138635 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 0
138634 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 1959
138633 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 1758
138632 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 1341
138631 Are you an organized person? Explain your answer. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 1568
138630 Tell me about the movie you have seen recently.- simi ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-20 1895
138629 What does ¡°No man is an island¡± imply? - simi ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-20 1273
138628 When you visit new places, what do you like to do? - simi ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-20 1509
138627 No ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-20 1300
138626 2024.07.19 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-20 1842
138625 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 1400
138624 What was your first day at work like? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 2050
138623 White lies ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 1649
138622 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 3
138621 How do you try to find time for yourself and your loved ones... ±è*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 0
138620 HOMEWORK FOR 07.18.2024 WRITING TASK: What are some common... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 3
138619 What makes a good parent? Explain. ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 2086

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04