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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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How can one develop patience for children?

작성자: 최*영
2024-05-30 516

회원님의 영작문

A) First of all, we can develop children's persistence or endurance through proper education. Learning these qualities is crucial for success in the future. To be specific, teachers explain diverse anecdotes of well-known public figures in history as an example of late bloomer. By learning this, students will be enlightened how much essential consistent effort is to become a winner in the end. In addition, we could design policy or provide compelling incentives to our children. The illustrious research conducted by psychology professors in Stanford university demonstrated that children who did not eat marshmellows right after they received had achieved more career success in their later life compared to other students who consumed the confectionery instantly. This result suggests that if we design policies or education systems which put more emphasis on the later time, for example, more weighted value final exam over midterm regarding final grade, students consistently make an effort n

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Ms. Mika! Your focus on nurturing persistence through education is insightful. However, your answer provided touches on strategies for fostering patience and perseverance IN children, so it could be enhanced by directly addressing techniques FOR adults to develop patience in dealing with children. 
~T. Jenna

First of all, we can develop children's persistence or endurance through proper education. 
Correct, or
>>Primarily, the cultivation of children's persistence or endurance is achievable through the implementation of effective educational strategies.
Learning these qualities is crucial for success in the future. 
Correct, or
>> Acquiring these qualities is paramount for attaining success in the future.
To be specific, teachers explain diverse anecdotes of well-known public figures in history as an example of late bloomer. 
Correct, or
>>Specifically, teachers can elucidate various anecdotes featuring renowned historical figures as exemplars of late bloomers.
By learning this, students will be enlightened how much essential consistent effort is to become a winner in the end. 
>>By learning this, students will be enlightened as to how essential consistent effort is to becoming a winner in the end.
In addition, we could design policy or provide compelling incentives to our children. 
>>In addition, we could design policies or provide compelling incentives for our children.
The illustrious research conducted by psychology professors in Stanford university demonstrated that children who did not eat marshmellows right after they received had achieved more career success in their later life compared to other students who consumed the confectionery instantly. 
>>The illustrious research conducted by psychology professors at Stanford University demonstrated that children who did not eat marshmallows right after they received them had achieved more career success in their later lives compared to other students who consumed the confectionery instantly.
This result suggests that if we design policies or education systems which put more emphasis on the later time, for example, more weighted value final exam over midterm regarding final grade, students consistently make an effort n
>>This result suggests that if we design policies or education systems that place more emphasis on later time/assessments, such as giving a higher weight to final exams over midterms in determining the final grade, students consistently make an effort.
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