¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Which country do you think is the best place to travel to? Why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-05-26 252

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the best place to travel is South Korea and Vietnam, because Korea is very safe.
Korea has many beautiful place and comfortable with transportation.
And Vietnam is very near from our country and very kind, also everything is chip.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Jimmy!

Here's your edited essay. Many thanks for sending it. Please go over the corrections, such as the spelling of the word "cheap" vs "chip". 
 Have a good night there and see you Wednesday! 


Cheers,
Jean~~





                    Which country do you think is the best place to travel to? Why?


I think the best place to travel is South Korea and Vietnam, because Korea is very safe.
>> I think the best places to travel to are South Korea because is very safe, and Vietnam. 

Korea has many beautiful place and comfortable with transportation. 
>> Korea has many beautiful places and comfortable forms of transportation. 

And Vietnam is very near from our country and very kind, also everything is chip.
>> And Vietnam is very near from our country and Vietnamese are very kind. Also, everything is cheap.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138263 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-04 439
138262 How do you understand ¡°Don¡¯t judge a book by its cover¡±? Are... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-04 409
138261 Why the people want to move after retirement? Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-04 379
138260 What are the pros and cons of being in a nursing home? Do the... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-04 7
138259 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 1
138258 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 4
138257 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 476
138256 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 448
138255 2024.07.02 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 401
138254 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 2
138253 How much walking do you do every day? What useful things could... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 420
138252 July 1st\'s homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 428
138251 Television or books È«*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 7
138250 What kinds of street food are popular in Korea? What kinds of... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 395
138249 Why do some people lack clarity about their true life goals? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 462
138248 Illness ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 544
138247 make it ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 2
138246 What is the most difficult part of studying English? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 1
138245 How do you feel when you think you are not prepared for something ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 1
138244 What is the most challenging part of your job? ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-07-03 444

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04