¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Which country do you think is the best place to travel to? Why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-05-26 372

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the best place to travel is South Korea and Vietnam, because Korea is very safe.
Korea has many beautiful place and comfortable with transportation.
And Vietnam is very near from our country and very kind, also everything is chip.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Jimmy!

Here's your edited essay. Many thanks for sending it. Please go over the corrections, such as the spelling of the word "cheap" vs "chip". 
 Have a good night there and see you Wednesday! 


Cheers,
Jean~~





                    Which country do you think is the best place to travel to? Why?


I think the best place to travel is South Korea and Vietnam, because Korea is very safe.
>> I think the best places to travel to are South Korea because is very safe, and Vietnam. 

Korea has many beautiful place and comfortable with transportation. 
>> Korea has many beautiful places and comfortable forms of transportation. 

And Vietnam is very near from our country and very kind, also everything is chip.
>> And Vietnam is very near from our country and Vietnamese are very kind. Also, everything is cheap.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139464 Do you sometimes compete with your friends? In what way? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 339
139463 Imagine a day in the life of a character who has the power to... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 332
139462 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 301
139461 What is the best part of your childhood? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 306
139460 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 0
139459 How do you adapt to changes? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 1
139458 Do you prefer working early and leaving early or you prefer... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 0
139457 How do you respect the privacy of all the members of your family? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 325
139456 debt ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 1
139455 mind ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 0
139454 Can you name three jobs you can be good at? ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 342
139453 homework ¹®*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 1
139452 Do you think being outgoing is important for career success? Why... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 335
139451 Plastic surgery ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 298
139450 What is the most expensive item you have purchased, and do you... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 363
139449 If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 0
139448 What is the most popular song in your country right now? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 0
139447 Is anger ever a bad thing? If so, when? Why? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 0
139446 Who is your hero, and what do you like about them? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-26 0
139445 Page.58 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-25 335

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04