¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Which country do you think is the best place to travel to? Why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-05-26 420

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the best place to travel is South Korea and Vietnam, because Korea is very safe.
Korea has many beautiful place and comfortable with transportation.
And Vietnam is very near from our country and very kind, also everything is chip.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Jimmy!

Here's your edited essay. Many thanks for sending it. Please go over the corrections, such as the spelling of the word "cheap" vs "chip". 
 Have a good night there and see you Wednesday! 


Cheers,
Jean~~





                    Which country do you think is the best place to travel to? Why?


I think the best place to travel is South Korea and Vietnam, because Korea is very safe.
>> I think the best places to travel to are South Korea because is very safe, and Vietnam. 

Korea has many beautiful place and comfortable with transportation. 
>> Korea has many beautiful places and comfortable forms of transportation. 

And Vietnam is very near from our country and very kind, also everything is chip.
>> And Vietnam is very near from our country and Vietnamese are very kind. Also, everything is cheap.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134866 What kind of animal would you like to have as a pet? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 366
134865 People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. ÀÓ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 180
134864 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 2
134863 WRITING TASK: What banking system do you enjoy now in your... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 2
134862 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 5
134861 What do you think of people who say they would never get... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 427
134860 What do you think is Japan famous for? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 278
134859 homework ÇÑ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 2
134858 Being a child ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 244
134857 What is your reason for wanting to be a flight attendant? õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 183
134856 Homework Ȳ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 179
134855 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 1
134854 Describe a piece of technology you find useful in your daily... ÃÖ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 553
134853 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 2
134852 I have a question. ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 1
134851 How do you use body language when you communicate in English? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 226
134850 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 206
134849 Consequences of not doing homework ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 155
134848 Most interesting souvenir I have ever bought ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 2
134847 A standout ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-02-21 202

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04