¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework 9

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÈÆ
2024-05-20 809

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



I enjoyed talking with you Gemma!
Today's homework gave me chance to think.
I appreciate your concerns. Enjoy your day!
Thank you :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Diego! Thanks again for your essay! I enjoy checking and appreciating your ideas! Your smart with your perspectives and I know that you write based on your experiences and insights. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
These days, older people who have retired often choose to spend money on themselves (for example on holidays) rather than save money for their children. 
Is this a positive or negative development?

 I respect the decision old people spending money on themselves rather than save money for their children. 
>>>  I respect the decision old people to spend their money on themselves rather than saving for their children. 

 These days children don't take care their parents. 
>>>  These days children don't take care of their parents. 
Taking care of old parents is a custom in agrarian society.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 That is why parents gave their assets to their children.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, nowadays, children do not live together with their parents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
They leave their hometown for jobs. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Parents should take care of themselves.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Money they had saved is only method to rely on.
>>> The money they saved is the only source to rely on.
 Since average life expectancy is rising, they should consider the future.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 I also believe children are already grown up and can make living for themselves.
>>>  I also believe that children can support themselves if they are already old enough.
 They are adults who got economy powers.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 They can sustain their lives.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Children should be independent from their parents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Children should not be burden for their parents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
This is the most ideal track for both parents and children.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 However, Korean society is getting worse maintaining this track. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Young generation are suffering from finding jobs.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Their independence age is getting older. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
This situation gives big pressure to parents. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Also young generation give up their marriage because of real estate problems. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
They cannot afford debts when they buy their house. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
So parents should help them when they buy their house.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 This custom steals parents' asset and make both children and parents poor. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
I agree that old people should spend their money for themselves.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, the reality is getting worse.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 I hope our society becomes better.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133854 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 701
133853 The best thing of my school ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 0
133852 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 2
133851 What jobs do you think are dangerous? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 605
133850 Which other country\'s cuisine are you most curious to try? ÇÏ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1
133849 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 868
133848 TGIF! do*eun ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 350
133847 Have you ever felt like someone could read your mind? How did it... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1
133846 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Why is it... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 0
133845 How would you spend your dream weekend? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 594
133844 What is an ideal holiday for you? Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 506
133843 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 762
133842 Don\'t waste clothes ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 784
133841 Do you think art is necessary in our life? Why? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 686
133840 If you are in a non-English foreign country (Thailand/ Vietnam),... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1112
133839 Is there something you regret buying? Why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1504
133838 How can you divide your time effectively between work and... ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1
133837 DIRECTIONS: Please fill in the blanks with right tag questions. ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 2
133836 Free writing ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 1062
133835 Free writing ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-12 679

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04