¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework 9

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÈÆ
2024-05-20 1203

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



I enjoyed talking with you Gemma!
Today's homework gave me chance to think.
I appreciate your concerns. Enjoy your day!
Thank you :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Diego! Thanks again for your essay! I enjoy checking and appreciating your ideas! Your smart with your perspectives and I know that you write based on your experiences and insights. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
These days, older people who have retired often choose to spend money on themselves (for example on holidays) rather than save money for their children. 
Is this a positive or negative development?

 I respect the decision old people spending money on themselves rather than save money for their children. 
>>>  I respect the decision old people to spend their money on themselves rather than saving for their children. 

 These days children don't take care their parents. 
>>>  These days children don't take care of their parents. 
Taking care of old parents is a custom in agrarian society.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 That is why parents gave their assets to their children.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, nowadays, children do not live together with their parents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
They leave their hometown for jobs. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Parents should take care of themselves.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Money they had saved is only method to rely on.
>>> The money they saved is the only source to rely on.
 Since average life expectancy is rising, they should consider the future.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 I also believe children are already grown up and can make living for themselves.
>>>  I also believe that children can support themselves if they are already old enough.
 They are adults who got economy powers.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 They can sustain their lives.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Children should be independent from their parents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Children should not be burden for their parents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
This is the most ideal track for both parents and children.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 However, Korean society is getting worse maintaining this track. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Young generation are suffering from finding jobs.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Their independence age is getting older. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
This situation gives big pressure to parents. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Also young generation give up their marriage because of real estate problems. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
They cannot afford debts when they buy their house. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
So parents should help them when they buy their house.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 This custom steals parents' asset and make both children and parents poor. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
I agree that old people should spend their money for themselves.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, the reality is getting worse.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 I hope our society becomes better.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136548 Operating cafe ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 909
136547 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 1
136546 What do you think is the best martial art? Why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 601
136545 What career opportunities are there for the younger generation... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 1123
136544 How do you make new friends? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 861
136543 How does the cost of living affect people\'s lives? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 758
136542 homework 04.18 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 819
136541 What is your favorite bonding with your family? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 823
136540 Do you consider yourself lucky? Why? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 0
136539 >> Write something about your country\'s capital city. Write at... ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 2
136538 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 0
136537 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 1
136536 Keeping an eye on something ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 910
136535 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 614
136534 How should someone who committed a crime for some good cause be... ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 791
136533 satisfy ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 0
136532 What kind of food do you want to make? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 874
136531 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 1
136530 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 2
136529 Name something you would like to improve about yourself and why. ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-18 832

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04