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Homework 9

작성자: 송*훈
2024-05-20 744

회원님의 영작문



I enjoyed talking with you Gemma!
Today's homework gave me chance to think.
I appreciate your concerns. Enjoy your day!
Thank you :)

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Diego! Thanks again for your essay! I enjoy checking and appreciating your ideas! Your smart with your perspectives and I know that you write based on your experiences and insights. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
These days, older people who have retired often choose to spend money on themselves (for example on holidays) rather than save money for their children. 
Is this a positive or negative development?

 I respect the decision old people spending money on themselves rather than save money for their children. 
>>>  I respect the decision old people to spend their money on themselves rather than saving for their children. 

 These days children don't take care their parents. 
>>>  These days children don't take care of their parents. 
Taking care of old parents is a custom in agrarian society.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 That is why parents gave their assets to their children.
>>> CORRECT~!^^

However, nowadays, children do not live together with their parents. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
They leave their hometown for jobs. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Parents should take care of themselves. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Money they had saved is only method to rely on.
>>> The money they saved is the only source to rely on.
 Since average life expectancy is rising, they should consider the future.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 I also believe children are already grown up and can make living for themselves.
>>>  I also believe that children can support themselves if they are already old enough.
 They are adults who got economy powers.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 They can sustain their lives.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Children should be independent from their parents. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Children should not be burden for their parents.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 This is the most ideal track for both parents and children.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 However, Korean society is getting worse maintaining this track. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Young generation are suffering from finding jobs.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Their independence age is getting older. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
This situation gives big pressure to parents. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Also young generation give up their marriage because of real estate problems. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
They cannot afford debts when they buy their house. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
So parents should help them when they buy their house.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 This custom steals parents' asset and make both children and parents poor. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 I agree that old people should spend their money for themselves. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, the reality is getting worse.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 I hope our society becomes better.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
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