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Homework 7

작성자: 송*훈
2024-05-14 524

회원님의 영작문



Thank you for inspiring my motivation Gemma.
I wish we can be always positive!
Life is short and time fly like an arrow.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there DIEGO! ^^ Thank you for answering your essay! Keep writing! I know this goal wasn’t easy. How you manage to set your time towards your writing goals to achieve it truly speaks to your intelligence, tenacity, and perseverance. I’m lucky to have you as my student. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
 A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. 
What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

According to the survey, fifty millions of people live in South Korea.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Among fifty millions of people, almost 25% of people live in Seoul.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Seoul is now a 'mega' city including culture, jobs, services and infrastructure. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Seoul's political decision or cultural choice can influence whole cities.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
It becomes standards of living and everyone wants to become one of trends. 
>>> It becomes the standard of living and everyone wants to be in that trend. 
However, other cities and rural areas have financial limits to follow.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 While Seoul becomes mega city, rural areas have been suffering for decades. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
They lost industries, young workers and infrastructures. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Rural areas lost energy sources for maintaining themselves.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
The rural government's tax income is also decreasing while they need to spend their money to maintain themselves.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
The place which flourished now becomes ruins causing serious problems. 
>>> The place which used to be flourished are now become ruins causing serious problems. 
Crimes and accidents occur in rural areas.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Pupulation decrease becomes faster.
>>> The population is rapidly decreasing. 
 The cities are also suffering for too many people.
>>>  The cities are also suffering for being crowded.
 The house price increases and people starting to become poor. 
>>> The house price is skyrocketing and people started to become less fortunate.
Crimes related to living increases. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
The more people gather, the more tax needed.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Residents live in cities feel much more of unhappiness and also leads to social problems.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 The way to deal with this population concentration in cities, administrative forces are required.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Government have to separate the functions of Seoul and cities.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Industries, major companies and state institution should be moved. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
That can stimulate the local economy and relieve the city's pressure. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However this is difficult to be done.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 The most voters will not move their cities.
>>> Most voters would not choose to leave from the city.
 They commonly will stay in city and refuse to leave.
>>>  They will mostly stay in the city and refuse to move.

The parties will not take risks for this try.
 >>> The parties will not take a risk to try this.
They have to risk their political careers for the change.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
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