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What is the weakness that prevents you from reaching your goals?

작성자: 황*준
2024-05-14 269

회원님의 영작문

Until last year, I wanted to be rich. So I tried small business that sells my math or science video lecture to Korean young students who want to enter the science high school. So I earned 2 million won in five days by launching my lecture. After that launching, I tried to make next lecture to make more money. It took 2 months to make everything. But, no one of my clients bought my lecture. So I called and asked them why they didn’t purchase. After calling I realized that I don’t have enough ability to satisfy their needs. At that point, I realized that my ability decides my wealth. So I came back to my university and studied hard. And I felt that I have an interest in study pretty much. At some point, capable engineer like professors looked better than a rich man for me. Also, the imagination of being able to succeed in a special way was disappeared. So right now, I want to be expert in my major and make innovative technology. Then, I will get enough money and honor.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Woah! I admire you for that, Seong Jun!
I doubt that anyone who aspires to wealth will consider taking action to achieve it. To achieve their goals, most people don't take any action. However, your perseverance and determination are admirable. ^^ So I hope, You will never stop working in progress.... 
Chammy
Until last year, I wanted to be rich. So I tried small business that sells my math or science video lecture to Korean young students who want to enter the science high school. 
>> Until last year, I wanted to be rich. So I tried a small business that sells my math or science video lectures to young Korean students who want to enter the science high school. 
So I earned 2 million won in five days by launching my lecture. After that launching, I tried to make next lecture to make more money.
>> So I earned 2 million won in five days by launching my lecture. After that launch, I tried to make the next lecture to make more money.
 It took 2 months to make everything. But, no one of my clients bought my lecture. So I called and asked them why they didn’t purchase. After calling I realized that I don’t have enough ability to satisfy their needs. At that point, I realized that my ability decides my wealth.
>>Correct
 So I came back to my university and studied hard. And I felt that I have an interest in study pretty much. At some point, capable engineer like professors looked better than a rich man for me.
>> So I came back to my university and studied hard. I felt that I had an interest in study pretty much. At some point, capable engineers like professors looked better than rich men to me.
 Also, the imagination of being able to succeed in a special way was disappeared.
>>Correct
So right now, I want to be expert in my major and make innovative technology. 
>>So right now, I want to be an expert in my major and make innovative technology. 
Then, I will get enough money and honor.
>>Correct
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