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영작교정 게시판

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Tell me about a time in the past at work where you had to deal with an emergency.

작성자: 천*은
2024-05-13 596

회원님의 영작문

When I was worked in cafe, one customer tried to pet my bosses dog and was bitten.
The dog was inside of the iron gate and was blocked,
it was not a puppy, it was huge, so the wound was deep and a lot of bleeding that time.
Everyone was freaked out and I was too, but I tried to be calm and find the gauze right away to help her to hold it until they arrive to the hospital and they treated well.
For this experience, I learned that If I focus on that emergency situation and find the things that I can do, I can give help in some way.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Rachel!

What a horrifying experience! Good thing, you were focused and alert. If it were me, I would have been brought to the hospital since I might have fainted first! ^^

Anyway, this real story is so much better to share when you tell your story very effectively as what you have done below.

Thus, study the grammar suggestions carefully and always remember the patters of using 'a' as well as your consistent tense in your whole discussion or paragraph. Overall, well done!

See you tomorrow.

-T. Donna~

When I was worked in cafe, one customer tried to pet my bosses dog and was bitten.
>>When I was working in a cafe, one customer tried to pet my boss's dog and was bitten.

The dog was inside of the iron gate and was blocked,
>> Correct!

it was not a puppy, it was huge, so the wound was deep and a lot of bleeding that time.
>> It was not a puppy, it was huge, so the wound was deep and had a lot of bleeding that time.
       
Everyone was freaked out and I was too, but I tried to be calm and find the gauze right away to help her to hold it until they arrive to the hospital and they treated well.
>>  Everyone was freaked out and I was too, but I tried to be calm and found a gauze right away to help her to hold it until they arrived to the hospital and the customer was treated well.

For this experience, I learned that If I focus on that emergency situation and find the things that I can do, I can give help in some way.
>> Correct!
Or: For this experience, I learned that if I focus on that emergency situation and find the things that I can do, I can give help in some ways.
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