¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think of children doing household chores? Should they do household chores? Should they d

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-05-12 489

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I agree on children doing household chores, because they are doing household chores is very nice.
Also doing household chores makes children feel curious, responsible,great.
If all the family members do household chores, familyship will be good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Jimmy!

Here's your revised essay. Please go over the revisions, such as removing the comma before the word "because". 
Have a good evening there!


Cheers,
Jean~~





         What do you think of children doing household chores? Should they do household chores or not? Why?


I agree on children doing household chores, because they are doing household chores is very nice.
>> I agree on children doing household chores because doing so is a good thing. 

Also doing household chores makes children feel curious, responsible,great.
>> Also, doing housework makes children feel curious, responsible, and great.

If all the family members do household chores, familyship will be good.
>> If all the family members do household chores, the family relationship will be good. 
 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139286 If all jobs had the same pay, which one would you choose to do? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-20 697
139285 Why do some people have more difficulty than others when... ¸Í*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 636
139284 What do you think of the sound and smell of rain? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 884
139283 What do you usually carry with you? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 2
139282 No ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 937
139281 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 3
139280 About korean band ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 661
139279 How does social media influence the way people communicate with... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 698
139278 howework ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 1
139277 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 868
139276 8/20 writing task ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 3
139275 19.Aug.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 1
139274 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 1
139273 What was the most interesting place you have ever visited? ¸Í*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 645
139272 What was the last thing you did that made you feel so much... ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 1341
139271 Do you prefer restaurants that are cheap and cheerful or very... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 601
139270 What¡¯s the best piece of advice your mother gave you? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 1
139269 Did you grow up with pets in your home? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 700
139268 Privacy ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 714
139267 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-19 845

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04