¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think of children doing household chores? Should they do household chores? Should they d

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-05-12 621

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I agree on children doing household chores, because they are doing household chores is very nice.
Also doing household chores makes children feel curious, responsible,great.
If all the family members do household chores, familyship will be good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Jimmy!

Here's your revised essay. Please go over the revisions, such as removing the comma before the word "because". 
Have a good evening there!


Cheers,
Jean~~





         What do you think of children doing household chores? Should they do household chores or not? Why?


I agree on children doing household chores, because they are doing household chores is very nice.
>> I agree on children doing household chores because doing so is a good thing. 

Also doing household chores makes children feel curious, responsible,great.
>> Also, doing housework makes children feel curious, responsible, and great.

If all the family members do household chores, familyship will be good.
>> If all the family members do household chores, the family relationship will be good. 
 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135469 How does facing and overcoming fears help people grow as... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 985
135468 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 758
135467 What would you do if someone couldn\'t understand you on the... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 844
135466 My country products. ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 1428
135465 A bachelor ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 998
135464 Is it healtly to eat eggs everyday? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 727
135463 homework ÇÑ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 0
135462 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"What are the... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 0
135461 What health problems do you worry about most? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 712
135460 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 738
135459 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 877
135458 winter ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 1
135457 homework ÇÑ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 1
135456 Homework ¹Ú*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 894
135455 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 6
135454 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 1
135453 If a person takes a photo of you without getting your... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 1107
135452 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 805
135451 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 1
135450 HOMEWORK- What does it mean to put effort into all we do? ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-13 645

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04