¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think of children doing household chores? Should they do household chores? Should they d

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-05-12 607

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I agree on children doing household chores, because they are doing household chores is very nice.
Also doing household chores makes children feel curious, responsible,great.
If all the family members do household chores, familyship will be good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Jimmy!

Here's your revised essay. Please go over the revisions, such as removing the comma before the word "because". 
Have a good evening there!


Cheers,
Jean~~





         What do you think of children doing household chores? Should they do household chores or not? Why?


I agree on children doing household chores, because they are doing household chores is very nice.
>> I agree on children doing household chores because doing so is a good thing. 

Also doing household chores makes children feel curious, responsible,great.
>> Also, doing housework makes children feel curious, responsible, and great.

If all the family members do household chores, familyship will be good.
>> If all the family members do household chores, the family relationship will be good. 
 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135636 How often do you watch TV? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 1
135635 What are some of the major changes that occur to people... ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 3
135634 Describe a positive change in your life ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 1
135633 HOMEWORK: When is the best day to take a day off? Why? ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 936
135632 homework ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 757
135631 HW ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 816
135630 Should parents help their children plan their future? ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 3
135629 HOMEWORK FOR 03.19.2024 WRITING TASK: What was your most... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 2
135628 What questions don¡¯t you mind people asking you? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 3
135627 Homework 3/19 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 4
135626 Paying for some advice ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 913
135625 HOMEWORK - What is a busy day like for you? How do you handle it? ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 787
135624 Body parts / ½ÅüºÎÀ§ ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 2
135623 homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 930
135622 homework - what makes a person feel unsuessful? ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-19 1057
135621 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 0
135620 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 349
135619 What do you think of people comparing themselves to others? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 732
135618 What health problems do you worry about most? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 538
135617 What does a busy day look like? How do you handle it? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-18 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04