¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think of children doing household chores? Should they do household chores? Should they d

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-05-12 457

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I agree on children doing household chores, because they are doing household chores is very nice.
Also doing household chores makes children feel curious, responsible,great.
If all the family members do household chores, familyship will be good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Jimmy!

Here's your revised essay. Please go over the revisions, such as removing the comma before the word "because". 
Have a good evening there!


Cheers,
Jean~~





         What do you think of children doing household chores? Should they do household chores or not? Why?


I agree on children doing household chores, because they are doing household chores is very nice.
>> I agree on children doing household chores because doing so is a good thing. 

Also doing household chores makes children feel curious, responsible,great.
>> Also, doing housework makes children feel curious, responsible, and great.

If all the family members do household chores, familyship will be good.
>> If all the family members do household chores, the family relationship will be good. 
 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138693 How do you decide on your travel destinations? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 725
138692 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 758
138691 HOMEWORK ÁÖ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 634
138690 Who is the one person you can always count on in times of... ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 2
138689 Reason why privacy is important ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 788
138688 Is better education the solution to increasing crime rate or... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 840
138687 Etiquette ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 645
138686 ages ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 789
138685 HOMEWORK FOR 07.23.2024 WRITING TASK: What do you always feel... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 4
138684 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 886
138683 The best thing in Kazakhstan. ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 649
138682 What are some reasons people enjoy diving? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 807
138681 22.July.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 0
138680 2024.07.22 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-23 727
138679 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-22 4
138678 How long should a person stay in a cafe before he/she goes out... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-22 868
138677 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-22 1
138676 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-22 0
138675 Is the traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-22 835
138674 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-22 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04