¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How much money do you save every day?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¸Í*¿µ
2024-05-06 459

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I've saved a 40percent of my salary since I was 27.
Most of the money, I've bought america stock and ETF.
Among my stocks, QQQ ETF is my best Stock.
QQQ invests main technology company in America. There are Apple, Google, Tesla, etc 100 major company.
These days, There are so many A.I company in the world, Palantir is so hot in the stock market.
But i invested in Palantir in 2023. I believe that Palantir will be high value stock.
High risk Investing is so dangerous, So invester have to study to stock market and company.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Jun! Thank you so much for doing your homework. You did a wonderful job. Please take note of the corrections I made on your sentences. Keep it up and see you in class! ^^
-T. Julia
I've saved a 40 percent of my salary since I was 27.
>> Correct
Most of the money, I've bought america stock and ETF.
>> Most of the money, I've bought American stock and ETF.
Among my stocks, QQQ ETF is my best Stock.
>> Among my stocks, QQQ ETF is my best stock.
QQQ invests in main technology companies in America. 
>> Correct
There are Apple, Google, Tesla, etc 100 major company.
>> There are Apple, Google, Tesla, etc., 100 major companies.
These days, There are so many A.I company in the world, Palantir is so hot in the stock market.
>> These days, there are so many A.I. companies in the world that Palantir is so hot in the stock market.
But i invested in Palantir in 2023.
>> Correct
I believe that Palantir will be high value stock.
>> I believe that Palantir will be a high-value stock.
High risk Investing is so dangerous, So invester have to study to stock market and company.
>> High-risk investing is so dangerous that investors have to study the stock market and companies.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139567 Would you rather have the perfect body or be super intelligent? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 0
139566 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 1
139565 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 366
139564 The things that would give a good first impression ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 360
139563 My feelings after apologizing ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 373
139562 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 361
139561 The best season ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 115
139560 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 366
139559 What is the importance of family? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 1
139558 worst ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 1
139557 features ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 0
139556 Homework0829 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 245
139555 H.W À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 1
139554 )Why do some people hate going to parties? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 2
139553 If you could swap one part of your daily routine with a fun... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 320
139552 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 0
139551 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 360
139550 Would you like to live in your hometown forever? Why or why not? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-29 273
139549 today my story À§*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 3
139548 Homework, ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-28 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04