¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÈÆ
2024-04-24 1961

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Sorry for late submit!
Thank you :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there DIEGO! Thank you for being so expressive of  your opinions. I see that you always try your best in everything you do! Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past.  What may be the root cause of this behavior? Discuss the reasons and possible results. 
There are several reasons why both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
First, I believe, personal growth of wealth made people spend their time and money on beauty care.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example, makeup belongs to rich or special occupation such as shaman or artists. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^s. 
Normal group had no time and money to spend on it.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, as personal wealth grows, people can pay attention to beauty.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Second, media evolution changed people's mind.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People tend to follow the star's outfits and then it becomes a trend.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Not only female stars but also male stars makeup these days.
>>> Not only female stars but also male stars [wear] makeup these days. 
Young generatian who is positive to decorate themselves, easily imitates stars. 
>>> The young generation which is positive to [fashion] themselves, easily imitates stars. 
Since spending much time and money on beauty care, there are some positive and negative influences.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
First, good influence is encouraging beauty industries.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Cosmetic industry has been growing in Korea since 2000.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Now it is a one of main export industry.
>>> Now, it is one of the biggest in export industry. 
 Many jobs and added value created through beauty industries. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, there's also a negative aspect.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People tend to judge by one's oufit, not one's behavior. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People responded in a research that 'outfit is the one of most important factors to pass the job interview or earn something from other people.' 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People lost sef-esteem because of outfit beauty and degrade themselves.
>>> People lost their self-esteem because of outfit beauty [which] degrade themselves.

                        
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129757 What would our life be like without computers and other digital... ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 0
129756 What do you think is the impact to clients when you cancel a... ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1
129755 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1857
129754 Is it still possible for a person to become successful even if... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2622
129753 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1784
129752 Homework ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 3138
129751 How can government and international cooperation play a role in... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 3175
129750 Homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1988
129749 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2570
129748 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2412
129747 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 3153
129746 Homework ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2238
129745 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1894
129744 Who do you spend your free time with? what do you do toghther? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2
129743 Write about the natural disaster that happend in Korea during... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1
129742 homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 3395
129741 immigrant ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2909
129740 Hello. ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2
129739 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2926
129738 2023.7.24 homework ±è*»è ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 3003

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04