¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÈÆ
2024-04-24 524

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Sorry for late submit!
Thank you :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there DIEGO! Thank you for being so expressive of  your opinions. I see that you always try your best in everything you do! Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past.  What may be the root cause of this behavior? Discuss the reasons and possible results. 
There are several reasons why both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
First, I believe, personal growth of wealth made people spend their time and money on beauty care.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example, makeup belongs to rich or special occupation such as shaman or artists. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^s. 
Normal group had no time and money to spend on it.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, as personal wealth grows, people can pay attention to beauty.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Second, media evolution changed people's mind.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People tend to follow the star's outfits and then it becomes a trend.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Not only female stars but also male stars makeup these days.
>>> Not only female stars but also male stars [wear] makeup these days. 
Young generatian who is positive to decorate themselves, easily imitates stars. 
>>> The young generation which is positive to [fashion] themselves, easily imitates stars. 
Since spending much time and money on beauty care, there are some positive and negative influences.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
First, good influence is encouraging beauty industries.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Cosmetic industry has been growing in Korea since 2000.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Now it is a one of main export industry.
>>> Now, it is one of the biggest in export industry. 
 Many jobs and added value created through beauty industries. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, there's also a negative aspect.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People tend to judge by one's oufit, not one's behavior. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People responded in a research that 'outfit is the one of most important factors to pass the job interview or earn something from other people.' 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People lost sef-esteem because of outfit beauty and degrade themselves.
>>> People lost their self-esteem because of outfit beauty [which] degrade themselves.

                        
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131785 hobby! Á¤*Æò ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 2
131784 homework 10.19 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 721
131783 Have you thought about the location for your cafe? What\'s your... ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 468
131782 homework Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 5
131781 Homework °í*ö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 550
131780 What shapes do you like? Why? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 357
131779 Who do you think the target audience is? Why do you think this? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 1
131778 HOMEWORK ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 0
131777 Who is your country¡¯s biggest national hero and why? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 0
131776 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 2
131775 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 656
131774 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 708
131773 My dream job ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 551
131772 When you were a kid, what were you afraid of? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 828
131771 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 0
131770 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 390
131769 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 0
131768 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about ¡°Would you like... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 2
131767 What was the last food you ordered at McDonalds? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 2
131766 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-19 932

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04