¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÈÆ
2024-04-24 489

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Sorry for late submit!
Thank you :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there DIEGO! Thank you for being so expressive of  your opinions. I see that you always try your best in everything you do! Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past.  What may be the root cause of this behavior? Discuss the reasons and possible results. 
There are several reasons why both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
First, I believe, personal growth of wealth made people spend their time and money on beauty care.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example, makeup belongs to rich or special occupation such as shaman or artists. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^s. 
Normal group had no time and money to spend on it.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, as personal wealth grows, people can pay attention to beauty.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Second, media evolution changed people's mind.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People tend to follow the star's outfits and then it becomes a trend.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Not only female stars but also male stars makeup these days.
>>> Not only female stars but also male stars [wear] makeup these days. 
Young generatian who is positive to decorate themselves, easily imitates stars. 
>>> The young generation which is positive to [fashion] themselves, easily imitates stars. 
Since spending much time and money on beauty care, there are some positive and negative influences.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
First, good influence is encouraging beauty industries.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Cosmetic industry has been growing in Korea since 2000.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Now it is a one of main export industry.
>>> Now, it is one of the biggest in export industry. 
 Many jobs and added value created through beauty industries. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, there's also a negative aspect.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People tend to judge by one's oufit, not one's behavior. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People responded in a research that 'outfit is the one of most important factors to pass the job interview or earn something from other people.' 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
People lost sef-esteem because of outfit beauty and degrade themselves.
>>> People lost their self-esteem because of outfit beauty [which] degrade themselves.

                        
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132459 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 1758
132458 Should schools have more field trips? Why? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 913
132457 Feeling pressure about my future ÀÌ*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 842
132456 Do you like playing sports? ±Ç*¸ð ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 1086
132455 In English, there are sick jokes, private jokes, cruel jokes,... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 3
132454 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Do you still... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 0
132453 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 0
132452 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 0
132451 I like almost all kinds of dishes. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 1114
132450 Homework Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 2
132449 I would not spend more time with my computer. ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 956
132448 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 731
132447 homework_231114 ÇÑ*·Ï ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 0
132446 How do you spend your time? ÀÌ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 8
132445 WRITING TASK: How can joining an organization help an individual? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 2
132444 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 1
132443 DIARY ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 1
132442 diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 2
132441 homework Á¤*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 1
132440 Positive mindset ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-15 979

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04