¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*´Ô
2024-04-24 602

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don¡¯t think there is a junk food tax for disease.
We need to distinguish who need to help.
Our country have a medical system for people who have serious disease and poor patients.
And government is already imposing the tax to every consumption.
The more people who consume a lot They are taxing a lot.
It is more natural I think.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Great day, Ms. Sunny!
I grasp your point that the government has been implementing various tax measures, which also serve as a means to dissuade individuals from consuming unhealthy products like soda, cigarettes, and alcohol. 
Then perhaps we should entrust the decision to the consumer. After all, it will always lead to personal choice.
Good day!
Aki~

I don¡¯t think there is a junk food tax for disease.
>>> CORRECT!

We need to distinguish who need to help.
>>> We need to distinguish who needs help.

Our country have a medical system for people who have serious disease and poor patients.
>>> Our country has a medical system for people who have serious disease and poor patients.

And government is already imposing the tax to every consumption.
>>> And the government is already imposing a tax on every consumption.

The more people who consume a lot They are taxing a lot.
>>> The more people who consume a lot They are taxing a lot.
 
It is more natural I think.
>>> CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139427 About my friends ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 306
139426 Dangers of dieting ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 445
139425 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 431
139424 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 0
139423 What are your favorite kinds of programs or shows? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 444
139422 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 0
139421 The last writing task ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 0
139420 Home work 2 À§*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 7
139419 Would you like to live in your hometown forever? Why or why not? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 445
139418 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 0
139417 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 0
139416 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 424
139415 Essay: The value of difficult experience do*eun ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 405
139414 Have you ever done something silly that you wish you had not... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 425
139413 How do you typically spend your weekends, and what do you... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 428
139412 Is anger ever a bad thing? If so, when? Why? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 324
139411 What is your favorite water activity? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 220
139410 The next cutting edge technology after the smartphone ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 402
139409 Agust 21th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 312
139408 The MP3 players is the best device even with its single function ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-23 416

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04