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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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HW

작성자: 나*진
2024-04-23 530

회원님의 영작문

The recent notable trend and issue in the gaming industry is the disclosure of probability-based item information. There has been public opinion advocating for the prevention of the gambling aspects of probability-based items and the transparent disclosure of information, which has recently been legislated and mandated legally. Subsequently, it was revealed that game companies have been inaccurately disclosing probability information, leading to a decline in trust from users. Even if in-game package items are expensive or have low probabilities, transparently disclosing such related information can provide trust to users. However, selling low probability items as if they have a higher probability amounts to deception. Therefore, to build trust with users in the gaming industry, game companies must continue the trend of transparent information disclosure and sales practices. These developments highlight the importance of fair operations, especially as they become explicitly stated in la

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Eugene! Your response provides a concise and insightful overview of the recent trend and issue in the gaming industry. Well done! I look forward to listening to the last part of your answer. ^^
~ Teacher Maxine

The recent notable trend and issue in the gaming industry is the disclosure of probability-based item information. 
>> CORRECT

There has been public opinion advocating for the prevention of the gambling aspects of probability-based items and the transparent disclosure of information, which has recently been legislated and mandated legally. 
>> CORRECT
OR >> Public opinion has pushed for measures to prevent the gambling elements of probability-based items and to legally mandate transparent disclosure of information, which has recently been enacted into law.

Subsequently, it was revealed that game companies have been inaccurately disclosing probability information, leading to a decline in trust from users. 
>> CORRECT
OR >> Subsequently, it came to light that game companies have inaccurately disclosed probability information, resulting in a loss of trust from users.

Even if in-game package items are expensive or have low probabilities, transparently disclosing such related information can provide trust to users. 
>> CORRECT
OR >> Even though in-game package items may be expensive or have low probabilities, transparently disclosing such information can foster trust among users. 

However, selling low probability items as if they have a higher probability amounts to deception. 
>> CORRECT

Therefore, to build trust with users in the gaming industry, game companies must continue the trend of transparent information disclosure and sales practices. 
>> CORRECT

These developments highlight the importance of fair operations, especially as they become explicitly stated in la~
>> CORRECT
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